Senior Maintenance Kit

Once a month my parents need 'maintenance'
so I thought I would share some helpful tips.
For ear cleaning-
I have a bottle of wax removal drops which I
take a q-tip and stretch out the cotton and
moisten the end with this. I have them clean the
ear canal as many times as it takes using fresh
until it comes out clean, then finish with a dry one-
always stretching out the cotton so it isn't so hard.
Then the hearing aids.
I found an outstanding kit at walmart for this task.
It was in the pharmacy and it is a
 Hearing Aid Cleaner 5 tools in one.

I found this to be Extremely handy to clean wax out
of the aids.
Next is new batteries. Nail clipping and filing.
It is pretty difficult for them to let you do these things
for them, pride is hard to overcome.
But it is necessary and they agree that they would rather
I do it for them then let it go or have a stranger. 

Christmas 2010

When I visited my father on Wednesday I hid a present in his dresser drawer.
Christmas morning I called him,
He sounded sad.
I told him to go look. He called me back after a few.
Called me a 'stinker' and sounded quite happy.
I went over my mother's x-mas morning because I was sure she wouldn't touch
the presents without coaxing.
Later that afternoon I was shocked to find her out in the hallway
she was looking quite forlorn and sadly out the window...I couldn't
stop and reluctantly left her there.
When I called her 20min later to make sure she got home ok
she told me a neighbor had brought her dinner & walked her home.
I LOVE my neighbors..
Blessings abundant upon them.
None of my other siblings called or visited.

Alzheimer Forums

I found reading these to be a big help-
http://www.caring.com/forums/alzheimers-forum

http://www.thefamilycaregiver.org/ed/bb/index.cfm

Demencia Fixating

Just got back from 'yelling' at my mother once AGAIN to leave her fuse box ALONE! I might as well just be the adult voice on the Peanuts. I had put a big note on there "Do Not Touch" and when I pointed it out once again
this time she *poked* it and said " I touched it" .
GRRR!!!! I tore the sign down and said 'fine, zap yourself" and left.
She becomes fixated on things- Especially things that she has been
told not to do, or TO do, rebelling against either.
People keep telling me that I am lucky to have my parents-
I feel I lost them both a long time ago.

Fuses and Confused

After dealing with dad & the wheelchair I
Went to mom's to find her fuse box open.
It felt cold over there so I turned up the electric
heat. I heard it click but after a half hour it was still
cold. I went and found she had shut OFF the fuses!
She complained of feeling sick
and threw up... I know from past experiences that
this is from taking two Aracept instead of one.
Of course she does not remember taking anything
or what she ate...
The rest of the time was spent with her saying she doesn't
have enough room in her closets and she wants to
move back to Ohio to the home she used to live in.
I have taken half the clothes out of her closet but she
is fixated on this,on moving,on how to work the heat..
Round and round the conversation goes till I have to
run out as my sanity slips away.

Wheelchair and Tales

When the guy pushed my dad down & cracked his hip
he got a wheelchair. A new one from the VA paid for
by his insurance. When the P.T. said he didn't require it
anymore and brought a walker the wheelchair disappeared.
Seacrest said it was in the attic.
 Dad said he wanted to store it in his room.No.
 I asked for it and was told it's in
the attic so he wouldn't trip on it.
 I want it. No, we don't want him to use it.
Today I insisted I am picking it up.
They had a chair there but it wasn't the one.
His was brand spanking new & the one there
was not. I said I'd be back tomorrow.
They also said that dad had flung himself to the floor
in an exaggerated manner after being bumped by the
other man. Making his injuries worse.
This is a lie.

This is all too much for me.

Crazy VA Hospital

So, the VA van picked dad up but no one there knew why he was there!
They asked him who his Dr. is..He doesn't know, he's there because THEY
made the follow up appointment!
They had no info on me, my phone call or request to have foot looked at.
They took x-rays and sent him back.
This is the same hospital that sent him out untreated when he went in an
emergency after being thrown down & cracking his hip!
crazy.

The Good and Bad Today

I have enrolled my mother and I
in a fitness program here. There are
machines sort of like the ones at Curves.
She has told me that she would rather do this
than go to day care & sit around.
I have decided it would be good for me also.
My father told me he has a huge bruise on his
left side. The opposite side of his cracked hip
from being pushed down by a resident.
It is very disturbing that he does not remember
the event at all.
I spoke with the Dr's secretary earlier about making
sure they look at his feet. I noticed a couple months
ago he had an infected toenail and I know he wont
say anything....And now this.

Abuse

The reason I am taking care of my parents
is because they were Both quite abusive to us all.
My 3 siblings however feel that my being the 'baby'
of the family somehow made me immune to it. What
they never realized is that I got the full extent of it
while they were away at school. They were never left alone
with this mentally ill woman because the three siblings
were always together. They being 9 years older than me
I was left alone with her a lot.
After my father left her in early 80's the burden in my
heart to care for her solidified. They say that people feel
a strange sense of duty towards their abuser-I believe this.
But having both parents be cruel and abusive to me
as a kid,
and now have them both be dependent on me,
just seems too much for my Psyche to handle.

Dying vs Living

Sometimes it's not that they will die that
frightens me.....
..........
..........

It's that they will live.

One Lost, One Lonely

My mother was calling me repeatedly to ask what time it was.
"what time is it?" me- five after seven
"ok, lets see, it says, hm, what time is it now?
me- seven after now
"what? " me- Well, it's eight after now
"What time is it Now? me- EIGHT after, it's eight after!!!
Then a minute later...
"I can't set the time on this thing on my table, it always says 12."
me- to myself 'oh god, she's looking at the kitchen timer'
************
My dad called me early sunday morning and woke me up...
Just to tell me he needs more tylenol. Wtf? I gave him 20 of them
a week ago- but my saying this was answered "What? I can't hear you"
and I was too tired to shout and he refuses to clean his ears.
That evening he said he is the loneliest he has ever been in his life.
I don't know what to say.
Perhaps if you didn't treat everyone like crap
and alienate everyone that wouldn't be the case?
He refuses to participate in the lame activities-I get it-
But why not go out for a walk?
Why not make a friend of one of the guys with a car?
Why look at everyone as 'beneath' you?
My advice to you readers- Do not cling to being alone
while you are young, because when you get older
 you will be completely alone- and not in a 'good'
way. Always be willing to reach out and make
new friends.

Day Care trial

Well, I brought mom to a wonderful place today called The Mary Wade Home.
Very well lit and lots of windows and activity going on. There are residents of all ages there that go downstairs to the daycare to do things. This is good because they are still 'with it'. They proposed I leave her for a couple hours and come back for a meeting to see how she likes it.
Well, they were doing chair exercises when I left and she wanted to leave.
It had only been 15 minutes and she was already complaining that she was just sitting.
Ugh.
...... Well, I picked her up and she couldn't WAIT to get the heck
out of there... moody and saying she wasn't going back.
How does one deal with this?

Thursday

Took mom for a bone scan.
In 2006 she had one that showed severe osteoperosis.
No treatment was done and I am sure it is because mom refused.
The appointment was in the afternoon and I tire out pretty quick then. I brought her to a bank she used to go to to prove to her that she had no money there, the accounts were closed- How foolish of me to think that this would work with a person with dementia. She left saying they had taken the money.
I took her to a farm market to please her.
In the car she just complained about where she lives & wants to move, wants to go see her other daughter..on & on till I was angry and stopped talking.
Burnt out is me.
That night I curled tightly in bed.
Friday I stayed home.

Wednesday

Took my dad to friendlies and walmart wednesday.
His teeth are almost all gone because he
has refused to care for them. All he ate was a cup of soup.
He was able to walk better than he was before being knocked down.
Without a walker! I attribute this to the PT guy.
Too bad he isn't coming anymore.
At the store the jacket I would have bought was too heavy for him to lift.
So he chose a chintzy 'puffy' jacket in camo-gotta love camo)
Oreos were of course in the basket also-cannot live without them! 
I was exhausted when I got home and rested an hour
before taking mom out for a walk.

Day Care ?

My mother needs to get into a center
where she can go for the day & DO stuff.
Like exercise,walk, converse with other people
and general socializing. I went to a place that
was highly recommended to me this morning.
It was small and all I saw were chairs and tables.
How boring and uncomfortable. They were coloring...
I was not impressed. She isn't as far gone as they were there.
I filled out the forms, but I can just hear her saying
that it is boring.
Perhaps companions & homemakers have something
like a walking companion.

Senior Relationships

Yesterday I had to get involved in a relationship
I really didn't want to get involved in.
My mother just isn't strong enough to say 'no'.
She has no boundaries and this is prime real estate
for certain types. I can remember when all of a sudden
she was snubbed by all her friends at the senior center.
There was gossip about her but I didn't know what.
Now I know..
Anyways, I had to be the one who thinks clearly and in her
best interest and step in...ugh.
I do not feel I need to defend myself about this family decision.
She has allowed him to do things, like taxes-and
other things that she never-ever
would have trusted someone outside of family to do.
Having Alzheimer, she needs protection.

Dad

His long-time girlfriend ended up in the hospital
and then rehab just like he did. Extremely thin,
not taking care of herself. Family is emptying out
her apartment & she is going away to Mass. to live with
family. wow this bites. I wish he could go with her.

No Help

People always tell me to delegate my siblings help.
Just assign them to do things, they say... Ya, right.
They just do not understand.
All my sister needs to do is stay in her car & pick
mom up and take her with her to church.
Just this one thing would help me SO much.
I cannot count on it. Once again I took the opportunity
to leave for the weekend, asking repeatedly if she would do it today.
Now it is Sunday, mom is dressed and ready to go.
Sister not going.
-Edit-
My sister's both suffer from both mental and physical
illnesses, so I guess I just have to deal with that.
Even though I do also.

Arrangements pt 2

Went to the funeral home today.
The woman knew her stuff about everything-
even banking stuff I needed to get done.
Insurance things to protect my mom, even suggestions
 with what to do with dad's ashes afterwards.
 I was relieved you don't have to rush into a decision.
I was amazed at how they take care of everything
from the medical examiner's fee to scattering.
Whatever you want! They even had flags in the triangle frames for sale.
 I felt like I was getting advice from someone who knows
 what they are talking about because she's seen it all.
Anyways, it's all done. Wow.

Mom To Doctors

Well I finally got mom to the dr's for a physical.
This dr was great! So patient with mom not being able
to answer or sometimes both of us talking.
Mom did not want, but got a flu shot anyways.
The dr gently prodded for her permission.
She spent over an hour with us discussing the best
avenues to take. Like why get a mammogram if you are not
going to go through chemo? Same with a gyno visit. I mean really-why?
We all know that at this age everyone has a cancer of some-sort
but it is usually slow growing and isn't going to be the thing that kills you.
She did a breast exam & EKG. Saw that mom had refused treatment
for severe osteoporosis/bone loss last time- I encouraged her to Rx Boniva and
I will somehow get mom to take it. I have papers for bloodwork where
I asked for vit D and B12 levels be checked because of the dementia.
And a bone density scan.
She filled out as best she could a form from an assisted living
place so I can get her on the list if they say it will take five years.

20 Years To Alzheimer's

They said on the news that Alzheimer disease starts twenty years before showing signs. Right when menopause happens. This does not surprise me. I don't know of any woman whose brain is the same after menopause. Myself included.
It's as though a gauzy veil has quietly draped it's self over my brain.
Disrupting my typing skills, spelling skills, word recall...

Mom's Day Out

Just got back from getting mom ready to go out on this blustery day.
First thing I did was to toss her back in the shower to wash her hair- what is it with these women not washing their hair and wearing a shower cap in there?! While she was in there I changed the wax filter in her hearing aids and saw she still had to take her Aracept. Turned down her heat which was cranked up, she complains it's too hot and shuts it OFF instead of down all the time. Plus she wears long underwear from living in drafty places all these years so there is just no happy medium.
Got her gloves and hats out where she can find them,made sure she had her "ears" in (hearing aids), had taken her pill, and bid her goodbye-
 A friend is picking her up and taking her out- yay!

Preparations

My father mistakenly thought that when he passed that the VA would handle everything. After speaking to his social worker I found that they do nothing. He wants to be cremated & she gave me the name of a place nearby-I got the forms today and asked family members if they have any desires to make them known now. His sister would like to have some to be buried with her. I was thrilled to have an answer, not one he would be thrilled with, but an answer just the same as far as what to do with the ashes. Her family has done all her preparations for her- I think it's a great idea. Cremation is about $1,200.00. everything included.
You would think the VA would do something for a German P.O.W. ?

Missplaced Agitation

It's after 7:30pm and mom has called me to say she is tired of reading.
She is agitated.
And once again I find she has forgotten to eat! She says she isn't hungry & nothing looks appetizing. I explain to her that we ate lunch at noon and she is feeling agitated because her body is hungry and trying to tell her to EAT! Anything! sandwich, soup... she says something about seeing some cookies and says goodnight. *sigh*

Visited Dad

It took alot of strength yesteday to go see dad.
I brought along my bff.
He was very weak and tired.
I showed him photos on my netbook, but I had to hold it up for him.
I could feel a hidden depression/sadness coming from him...
Dam.....

Alzheimer's

Taking my mother grocery shopping is too much for me. I want to take her out but with my arthritis I just cannot handle the way something that would take me 1/2 hour takes an hour &  a half with her.
Never mind the stress of someone repeating over and over
" Apples? How about apples? Do I need apples? Apples, do I need apples? How about apples?

.
The fizzling, popping of my braincells disintegrating from stifling my anger is audible to me.

VA Hospital west haven

Wednesday the VA picked dad up & brought him to the hospital.
The driver left him in the chair there for a while and they did nothing for him- he sat in the wheelchair while they said they had no paperwork or record that he had been there last Wednesday for his hip.
I was told this by the seacrest manager that he was then loaded back into the van and brought back.
WTF?
The manager found this out and called the VA saying that dad was in pain and had to be seen!
So, they drove him BACK. No wonder I didnt get a call from the Dr. till late that evening. They did a CAT scan and found a crack.
Thursday AM I went over to his apartment room and removed his wallet,keys,lockbox and other important items. Then went over to see him at the hospital. He was sitting in a wheelchair covered in covers with a towel on his head for warmth. He was thirsty & hungry. He had been left in the chair for hours, the bed wasn't even MADE! The nurse was in a bad mood and said he was able to go to the bathroom himself. SO I had to help him maneuver the chair. I had to get him his breakfast,water,coffee. I heard her say She had "bad gas" and "couldnt wait to leave". The VA in west haven is a dump-blood on the floor and everything, ugh!
His back hurt from sitting in the chair so long so I made a pillow out of blankets and he lay down on the unmade bed.
They said his type of hip crack does not require surgery and that he was going to be evaluated and most likely sent back to seacrest.
He called me at 6pm when he was back, and I brought him his belongings.

Dad

Today I went to see dad.
He was in too much pain from being pushed down by another resident to go out for lunch. I brought him a hamburger and coke. After eating, I attacked the huge pile of paper work on his table. I put it on the bed & divided it up into bills to pay,receipts,junk mail,personal letters and a TON of redundant junk mail. After that I had to figure out what magazines were current & which actually needed to be updated from the bazillion notices. He cannot see to write checks anymore so I wrote them out & he signed. I got out a file box & created files for everything- Nothing had been done since he had moved here...The pile was like some time machine... It took two and  half hours. I walked out of there with a full trash bag and 10 letters to mail.
When I first arrived I could hear them saying that the VA was ignoring dad's pain. Dad said they told him to have me call & insist he be seen again. He's no baby and couldn't move when sitting in his chair without stifling crying out. I called his social worker when I got home.

Mother

Went to check on mom at 2:30.
She almost fell over and said she was dizzy.
She hadn't eaten lunch, made sure she ate a good one and hung some pictures up.

Father

Got a call Wednesday that my dad had been pushed down by a fellow resident.
They had already been put at separate tables to eat meals but this happened on the way to the dining hall. The guy shoved him down and hurt dad pretty bad. Ended up being sent to the hospital for xrays=nothing broken but he is in alot of pain & needs walker or wheelchair. I wish I could get him out of seacrest.

Monthly

Once a month I take mom to her post office box and bank.
Today she was more 'with it' than yesterday when I arrived to take her grocery shop and was greeted by her in her nightgown at 11AM.
We were out for the day today and even had salads at wendy's. By three-o-clock we were both exhausted.
For once she wasn't crabby & I didn't feel fed up with her.
A friend has offered to take her out once a week to give me a break. Tomorrow I am taking her up on it...I'm not sure if this is why I am feeling a little 'lighter' tonight but I have some running around of my own to get done.
My father called me and gave me a huge grocery list of goodies to get him- cookies,peanut butter,cereal,chocolate...sheesh! Not sure when I will get to the store & then over to him.
Cleaned mom's ears & replaced hearing aid filters.

Elderly Quirks

Why is it that the elderly-

Fear the rain and feel you should also.
Swear someone is listening in on phone conversations.
Will not eat anything "unhealthy" but chow down cookies & icecream.
Are antsy & bored like a kid.
Do not ever seem to be satisfied.
And what IS it with their Toe nails?! UGH!

(I'm sure I could add more to this list, but these are just a few observations of my parents)

Dad

Yesterday I packed up my car with items my father requested. His guitar from when he was a teenager,a camera to take a photo he wanted,and his clean laundry. Then drove him an hour to see his girlfriend. He had forgotten to replace the batteries in his hearing aids so I couldn't talk to him the whole trip! Even lunch was quiet, except that he had ordered something spicy which had him in a coughing sneezing fit- at which we all laughed. The drive was 130 miles of boredom for me, but they were beyond grateful.
Brought back another huge bag of laundry.
Today I am absolutely exhausted. Thank goodness someone is coming over to take my mother out so I can rest.
Definition of rest:

Clean apartment, do laundry & dishes.

Mom

My mother has Alzheimer so she gets frustrated and antsy.
She came over and was red from head to toe. Even her legs where red!
I took her temp. it was normal.
She said she was very upset about not living in a house and not being able to go outside when she wanted to to putter around in a yard. I got on google earth and we looked at her old hometown where she was born and the streets where she used to live. I guess her blood pressure had gone up from being so frustrated(?)
I had wanted to have one day to myself...it just never seems to happen. I cooked us dinner and took her for a long walk to tire her out. It will be the same thing tomorrow though.
My dad called and wants me to drive him up to Hartford to see his girlfriend & take them out to lunch. I am feeling angry but there's nothing I can do about it- I told him I would do it earlier in the week, just didn't know I would have been doing so much with mom this week & want to relax for a day.

Primary What?

As I was filling out assisted living forms to get mom on their list, I saw that some pages HAD to be filled out by a primary care Dr. She hasn't been to a Dr. in years! Or so I thought...I actually found in my file box a name of one she had seen with me- I do not even remember it but thank goodness we had so that she was still in their records! I made an appointment for a full physical. Have to wait till October.
Next is getting power of attorney legal.
Then on to wills for both of them.
Then putting aside moneys for funeral arrangements.

Today

Well, I got my mother's phone bill down to $20 with a state discount offered to those in HUD housing and other state provided items for low income people-yay!
I am off to take her shopping after doing her checkbook etc. At least the weather is cool and fall-like.

The Way I Feel

As she walked towards the cell
she could hear her family
calling out "what a great daughter you
are, your parents are lucky to have you"
"it's a perfect situation how wonderful"
The cell door closed and she stood
alone listening to their applause
fade away,
as they disappeared.......
once again.........
..........................................
................................................
Being responsible for your elderly parents
lives and taking over decisions is overwhelming.
Making unbreakable agreements for them
and having them balk wanting to change the
unchangeable is unbearable for me.

Laundry Grocery Times Three

Took my father to Denny's,he ate an egg.
Then brought him to walmart where he got some underware,soda,orange juice,and oreos. He said 'They think I'm trying to starve myself'.I answered "Well,YA."-that was the end of the conversation.
I took his laundry home and just finished it.
Tomorrow I do my mother's laundry and take her grocery shopping.
Needless to say,I do not feel like doing my laundry or grocery shopping.Most times I don't feel like taking any time to do anything for myself...I just want to lie on my couch or bed-too tired to do anything. My brain too burdened by the tasks still left to be done. Filling out forms for a place for mother to live it doesn't matter that she isnt ready at this moment,although today I found a very burnt pot over there...What time is the right time? When you have had enough and want to create a life of your own? I have read tons of stories like that and they still care for there parent, why should I be different? My life isn't any more precious than theirs.With all the inhome care available, when does a child move their parent with dementia to a home?

Update

The months have been about trying to care for both of them. My father is anorexic and barely eats but at least he is somewhere they will and have cared for him when he gets sick.He hates it there at Seacrest and complains of the noise and the crazy residents there. I thought it was a "retirement community" but its residents belong in a nursing home.
Mom is bored all the time and cannot go outside to walk on her own.
She is not taking her Aracept without prompting and I keep finding she is forgetting to eat lunch. I hate to take her grocery shopping. She wants to buy everything, then when we get home she insists that "all this stuff must be yours".
Next I have to fill out applications for her for assisted living places good for people with Alzheimer, since openings are a wait. And for dad to write a will.

May 15,2010

Moved my mother.
Had elderly friend take her out for day and bring her to new place.
Local sister arranged for two church people to help.
The rest of the month filled with cleaning out her old place,
taking my father on outings, taking my mother out shopping.

My body and mind are hurting.
Both Parents complaining constantly.
I feel as though I have failed them.

May 2010

Had an elderly friend take mother out for day and I went over with another elderly family friend and went through all her piles of magazines and important papers. Threw out tons of collected trash. Took all important papers.
My sanity feels as though it has flown away.
I resent both parents.
I resent my siblings who haven't helped.

May 2010

My mother TRASHED her apartment.
"Packing" Everything into plastic grocery bags. Mixing trash in with important papers and clothing with dirty rags and plastic bottle caps.
She refuses to donate one item and the new apartment is only one bedroom.
I resort to saying I am bringing things to apartment and then taking the trash and throwing it out. Or as with the millions of baking pans- I donate them.
Changing addresses to all father's magazines and banking.

Mother is now saying she doesn't want to move and to bring back her things.
This is the fifth time I have packed her hoarder-self up and moved her.

April 2010

Mother signed the lease papers.
She doesn't quite realize what she is doing-but it is for the best.
Father is calling every day saying the place is a dump.
I am on antidepressants.

My Parents

They were both abusive.
Mother physically
Father mentally
With zero communication,or any positive contact in the house.
All siblings left at 18.
I was an outcast with them.
I tried to be the 'peacekeeper' after they left.

mother April 2010

My mother has Alzheimer. She is crying and saying she does NOT want to move.
How can I deal with both of them unhappy?
No days off for me to rest...
She came to visit the apartment complex-it is the city, she hates it.
I continue with the rental proceedings anyways.
I want to let the apartment slip on by- but the drive to help her is too much for me-and she is beginning to do things like burn pots, and not able to walk anywhere fearing getting lost. I fear her burning her landlord's house down.

April 2010

My Psoriatic arthritis has taken over and my mental state is completely broken.
When the phone rings I have a panic attack.
Driving hours from one residence to another- throwing out so much crap.
Plastic bottle tops, acorns,shells,string,jars. I am sick of dealing with hoarders and I go home and throw away items from my place.
My mother is a hoarder also and I have been notified that she must come in and sign lease.

March 2010

The drive moving him to home was unnerving. Thought I was going to pass out.
He was Not nice to anyone- he is a nasty person.
He keeps calling and calling me with complaints.
I visit and bring him cookies, soda, earplugs,.
He has already been nasty to the staff.

Mother also now

An apartment has opened up down the hall from me for my mother.
Packed up some personal items to make my fathers room more homey and set the place up as much like his apartment as poss. So much to do with forwarding mail, landlord,shut off phone...

march 2010

Father called saying he is not going to Seacrest-
wants to go home.
I told him the shocking news that his apartment was empty.
I was LIVID.
Local sister will not offer to help with clean up or move.

March 2010

Sister drove from out of state to meet with rehab about his discharge & setting up help enough to qualify to BE discharged.
During the meeting an email was received on blackberry that a retirement place had been accepted by the VA to have a semi-private room. Shared bathroom. We jumped for joy.
Then went to apartment and threw everything into a dumpster. Even his precious worm-filled couch, Twenty or more cinder blocks he had used for shelving,millions of trash bags.it was all outrageously difficult.
Cleaning out the apartment took all of the next month also, it was that full of stuff. He was a hoarder in an efficiency.

March 2010

Went on my own and spent all day throwing out HUGE piles of years of magazines.
Dirty clothing. Bedding.Then went to visit him. Collapsed in bed unable to move even the next day.
Got a phone call from rehab place that they will not release him home. Got a call that the VA will not pay for a private room-which he is Adamant about.
By now I am wishing I had never driven up and saved him, that he would have been better off dead than to go through this and put me through this. totally crying and going off the deep end.
B/f helped take my mom grocery shopping.

March 2010

The VA will not pay for a private room in assisted living.
In a panic we start setting up help to come into his old apartment.
Spending all day on phone with various people. Filling out forms.
So exhausted some days that I cannot get up off couch.
Having to drive out to care for mother also-
Local family will help? No.
Only one drove down to help throwing out stuff from apartment.

March 2010

Feel SO Badly that I am 'abandoning' my mother who has dementia and I am unable to go over and care for her.
My father is strong enough now to be complaining that he is going to 'run away and sleep in the street' than share a room at the rehab place.
Searching through his place & finding bills. S.S. papers to answer all these questions people are asking me about coverage & income.
Looking at assisted living places.

March 2010

VA Social services got him into a nursing home for rehab.
We had to buy him new clothing because he had nothing clean.
ALL his clothing was in a filthy pile-poopy underwear & all.
The next days my b/f and I were totally spent, emotionally & physically.
Couldn't move and needed rest.

March 8,2010

Went up to see father in VA hospital.
Then went to apartment and threw absolutely everything away from kitchen.All the cupboards,rusty pots in sink-everything. I scrubbed the nasty bathroom & b/f scrubbed the Nasty refrigerator. Ten more garbage bags from just these two rooms.
The next day I spent all day on the phone with social services- Actually every day was spent on the phone with them or resident services.

March seven 2010

Had to have my father's apartment door opened by security. He was lying on couch incoherent, barely able to open eyes. He was so thin I could barely recognize him as I kissed his cheek. I could not believe he had told me on the phone that he was "fine".
His apartment was full of garbage bags and the place was a wreck. I called 911. A cop showed up and declared the place a health hazard. The ambulance took dad to the Veterans hospital.
Boy friend & I Stayed with him at hospital for six hours and then cleaned ten bags worth of garbage from apartment.The refrigerator was Stuffed with rotten food.
I was a mental case, crying & disassociation episodes.