Visiting from a patient's view

"just because your mom doesn't remember you in the way you remember people...her graciousness and joy at seeing you and spending time with you says that she enjoys the visit.
I have dementia, so I just want to add a little of what it is like to help give some perspective. We forget who you are, and we forget how we know you...we forget how we are connected...but we FEEL you. We FEEL your loving presence...or, your scared one, or your worries...whatever you bring with you, we FEEL.
If it were me deciding if you should visit me, I would say that if you can resolve whatever your are experiencing and bring positive warm feelings, then come...but if you can only manage to bring negative emotions then don't.
Friendly people coming to say hi, is always nice. Watching this happen to a loved one hurts. If you can process that thru and just be present for her...awesome, but if you are not there yet that is ok too.
Very importantly - just because she doesn't remember you, what your name is or how you are connected...even if she cannot talk - SHE is still in there! Dementia is like the layers of an onion covering us up one by one...but we are still in here,
 and we are reaching out and trying so hard to hang on.
 Connections with people are like light in the dark.
  Don't let people try to tell you otherwise."

Dad. High Strangeness

My sister relayed this info to me in texts-

The other night my father's foley catheter was somehow
mysteriously cut and pulled out of place.
They sent him to the hospital in a lot of pain.
 The home was going to look for scissors because the catheter was clean cut
through.

My father is too weak to handle scissors,
and he does NOT have any.

My sister spoke to the nurse after he returned to home but did not
ask anything about what happened or relay the point I made about
the scissors.

Fiddle Quilt

Two days ago we went to see mom again.

I just couldnt fend off the tug.

Brought a "fiddle quilt" for the place.

Made it out of fleece and some ribbon with beads, a toy,

and some colorful large buttons.

I made it small enough to fit on the tray they put infront

of a resident's wheelchair.

When we arrived she was looking intently at a magazine and exclaimed

her eyes were bad. She didnt have her glasses on. They were behind the desk.

So she couldnt hear or read, great.

I mean the place is high-class and beautiful so I cannot complain, and

she is happy .

When the nurse told me her hearing aids were ' missing' last week

I told her to put the box with the batteries they had been in into her closet. 

This time when we were there an aid came in with her hearing aids - !

She said that mom was digging in her ear so they didnt put them in.

I told her to clean moms ears and I gave her the box to put the aids 

back into- she had never seen the box before.

Then I got out mom's cd player and put on Neil Diamond and she sang

and danced. Yes it was loud, but she was happy. 

I will have to tell them once again to have her legs looked at,

they are swollen.

Here is the fiddle quilt (or pad )

Mom Falling and Ears Gone

My mother has fallen around six times (?) since being in the new place.
Thank goodness she is wearing a padded girdle thing.
She fell yesterday while in another persons room. She was behind a door
and a nurse opened the door and startled her backwards.

When we were there for the christmas thing she couldnt enjoy the music
so I asked for her hearing aids and put them in.
The nurse said they had been with-holding them "because she doesnt like them and
she is doing much better"
How can a woman who loves music be better??
I visited her the other day and was told that the hearing aids are
gone. She seems more restless and bored than ever and she cannot
hear the floor music playing.
The staff had been telling me for a while that she was resisting
having them put them in and they do not push their patients,
so I didnt press the issue at all.
Now they have disappeared.