Death can be Beautiful

http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2012/05/dotty-looked-beautiful-in-death.html

Her son took her home and had help, but let her go naturally and thankfully it was peaceful.
If only everyone could be granted this blessing.

Cable Trap

Since the closed circuit tv channel is not really a cable channel they cannot block it.
But the woman was kind enough to look into other options.
 I am willing to do anything!
 I had seen on the internet something called a "trap" that is used to block channels and I suggested it.
They are coming next week to install one.
I hope to dear god it works.
She came over again this evening
and I knew she was agitated -
she was red from head to toe, even her legs!
She INSISTED there was something of hers down in the lobby.
A woman had just been yelling at ME not to move the postal boxes down there
-( I was moving them out of camera range)
 Yes, everyone is watching the dam channel.
I was on the phone with father when she knocked at my door- he had the audacity to laugh at my situation.

I am angry.

ALZ confusion

I wish I could figure out how to delete channels from my mothers cable.
She keeps seeing things in the lobby on the video cam channel and thinking they are hers.
She calls and calls and will not be calmed.
I finally relented to find her red with agitation,
 walked her downstairs to show her nothing is there.
This time she grabbed the USPS crate and insisted it was hers!
I stayed out of camera range ( I'm sure she provided entertainment)
And had her read the side.
She was extremely confused, angry, and accused me of not caring about her.

I hate it when I get 'snippy' but my mother's constant badgering me about wanting to move makes me angry. I end up saying "fine" and showing her places she could move to and be alone again like she was before she moved here.
You want Ohio by the great lake? Fine, the winters are pretty bad up there.
Today I want to ship her off and never hear about her again.
Yes your son is up there, he can take care of you.
One of the other siblings that don't bother to call even for mother's day.

Blog That Has Helped

I have been reading this mans adventure being caregiver to his mother for a while. His name is Bob DeMarco. Reading the blog and reading the comments has really been a help.
Now his mother is in hospice dying from Alzheimer's disease...
Just last week they where having lunch.
His personal entries are sprinkled with ones if information, and guest entries, all have been interesting. But now I find myself and his readers watching him go through what every child who is involved with another go through as the end nears..
I could not help but think of them today...
http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/

Chaos

One or two days without my going over to mother's and it's a mess over there.
Books and clothes in the towel closet. Lightbulbs in her drawers.
Tablecloths where the sheets should be.
Everything out from the storage room and into the livingroom.
"I have no place to put things"
 because she has dragged out everything from their storage containers.
My brain starts spinning like Alice through the looking glass...
God forbid I spend a little time away.

Respite Hour

Someone took my mother out for a little bit today.
I decided to tackle my pile of unfiled files.
I turned the pile over and saw May 2011.
I have kept my parents filing up to date
but let mine go a YEAR !
UGH!

ALZ on Greys Anatomy

I find it interesting how they are really trying to show the pain of having someone getting this disease. They leave out a lot, of course, and make things like putting a mate in a home seem so easy. The lady was like "I want to live in the home" Ya, right!
Last week they showed the husband finding his confused wife in love with another, and in bed with him in the home!
Hey, no problem, the staff of the home answered, he has ALZ also.

Does this make it OK?

Lost Friend

"No More Candy!!!" Announced my father.
"I don't want you bringing any more candy here!"
I reminded him that yesterday he had demanded at 10am more m&m's.
Then, with alot of coughing...
he confessed...
the woman that he had been giving the candy to had
had a stroke....
Oh dear! She was 101 and gave him purpose.
He took care of her every day and sent bouquets of flowers to her room all the time.

As he spoke about that he didn't know where she was,
 he coughed and coughed.

I know he was trying not to cry....

Thoughts About "Home"

I agree with what a new reader had to say about my mother's insistence about going "home". Mother says that she will "know where I am" and "I know the streets".
As I think about it, she definitely associates her confusion with being here,
 her sleepiness with her bedroom here. Yes, she is quite aware her memory is gone
 and depends on mine, so far she trusts what I say
 when I tell her what we have done.
Her wanting to live with me is nothing new,
I lived with her years ago and we had a good time.
But now just down the hall isn't good enough and my god I need my peace!
 She also has never had respect of others privacy and digs into everything.
My father is really going down the dementia road now too...
He accused me of talking about him to the staff - as he stood there!
 He later apologized stating he had heard what I had really
 said and couldn't understand why his brain changed it.
He is going to be 88 - unbelievable actually.

The Bells, The Bells!!

One thing I cannot express is how the incessant phone calls from both parents is mentally killing me.
Usually after they have awoken from a nap they call about crazy things. My father just woke up and called accusing me of not mailing checks he has written. I took a big breath and calmly told him when each check was written by him and the fact that it was last Friday and they didn't get mailed till Monday and thus could not have been cashed yet. One was just written today!
I lay back down after this busy day taking them both out...
Mother calls- I don't answer, I know it is her having just gotten up from her nap to tell me the mailman is here...
I have shut my cell phone off at night because of my sister's Late night texts crying for prayer.
Both parents are lonely- I wish they were still together- HA!!
I do not feel I can shut my phones off, especially because of mother- sometimes the isolation gets to her alittle too much and she gets very confused.

No Use in reasoning with Alz

After running around doing errands I came back and took mother to the library & icecream. The whole way she tormented me with wanting to live elsewhere. She has been spreading her unhappiness about living in this state for over 50 years. She blamed her husband for taking her away from her home state, and was miserable about it till he left her 30 years ago.
There is no reasoning with her.
She has had years to leave, she has no one there any more, what ever I can think of doesn't matter. She says she will know the streets- uh, you cannot live in your old house. It is maddening and I cannot help but feel anger towards her for spoiling an afternoon.
ya,ya, I know, it's the disease, and yet it's her age old problem.
Every day.

Crafts

Crafts here we made a bunny
 from a child tube sock,
rice and stuffing.
I was surprised she wanted to keep it so
badly-she really thought it was cute!

Walking Mother

Warm weather has come so I dragged mother out for a walk that I knew she would like once she was out. We went for a very long walk and then sat in the grass on a hillside. I encourage her to do this to keep her in shape, along with picking up sticks and tossing them. Another thing she enjoys is using a stick to whack dandelion seed heads. Then with a good hold on her arm, we hiked the steep hillside, taking breaks along the way. Resting on benches once ontop, we made our way back home.
Needless to say, I was completely exhausted and she was completely unaware of being tired.
She called me two hours later wanting to go for a walk.
Alzheimer's sucks.
She forgot the whole day.