Visited Dad

After preparing myself Once AGAIN for my fathers death,
going through the thoughts of what I would do afterwards and settling with
"Ok I'll be fine!"
I went to see him and dammit ,

I love him.

....shit....
 it would be so much easier to not see someone and then they die
and you have kept your distance so it doesnt hurt that much.
haha
what a crock of shit.

So, since my sister who is supposed to be his advocate has not done anything,
I brought over his hearing aids and a bottle of wine.
Wine?! Yep. They can dole out 4 ounces of Merlot like they would a medication.
They even keep it in the medicine closet.
The nurse said they had tried to contact sister about this to no avail.
It is a treat he talks about as much as chocolate.
 I also am going to make sure they get that man down to the candy
machine for chocolate.
The home he is at is astoundingly better than his last one-
there is Zero smell.
Oh, and I found out that they had sent him to the hospital because they saw blood
on his cath. and bloodwork found white cells. This is a far cry from the other
place that let him get so sick he was delusional wandering the halls and they
still didnt send him to hospital.
I saw his urine bag and this was the first time I saw it not be red inside.
Much healthier!

As far as mom, they had been giving her a quarter pill twice a day...
I will find out if they are still doing it three times now or not.

Confessions

none of my siblings or I seem to be able to care properly for our aging parents.

At least to my specifications of care.

My mother's 'nurse' that i do not care for, called me and said that for unspecified

acts of resistance she would be giving mom an additional dose of adavan per day.

 I called the next day suggesting to someone else that it just be used

when needed after they looked at the report and found no reason specified 

and said maybe she was just having a 'bad day'. 

Anyways, back to the nurse-

She has an obvious communication problem even in person. 

She will state loudly what she has to say and will answer 

your questions by repeating her sentence. Talking over you.

On the phone she sounds like she is panicking, but i am sure it is just 

her, spewing out the info and wanting to hang up quick--

or at least thats how she sounds- 

In person she is the same, and I have tried multiple times to talk to her

only to have her interrupt me with her opinion or to call out

to someone else and tell me she has to 'go'.

Last time, I just turned my back on her and walked away.  

Back to confessions....

My father was back in the hospital for UTI yesterday.

The sister that is supposed to be advocating for him has never called about him 

or visited. 

What have I done for him? Nothing..... 

I have not called either. 

I know that in order to receive decent care in a nursing home or anywhere,

the family has got to visit. Phone calls can be and are just glossed over

by the person behind the desk. "Oh, he/she's FINE and functioning well!"

then you drop by and find them stoned or feverish in bed, sleeping 

through meals and dehydrated.

and yet....

How many years can a family member deal with this without succumbing

to apathy themselves? 

Especially when lifetime mental illness has affected all the children because

of said parents.  

Thankful

It is such a relief when you see your parent doing well.
Mom has adapted well to her new home...
she is calm and happy saying hello to everyone and not resistant
to things being done to her - like toileting or even flossing her teeth like i did today.
Her legs were not swollen, or her knee as was the case a week ago.
While she ate lunch I gathered all the tons of books she had collected in her
room, found her 'lost' glasses, and power cord to her bed-cam.
We had chocolate icecream and colored.
When it was time for me to go, we walked back to her room and she
waved to me from the doorway (smile )
a good visit and so very thankful.