Saw dad today

They called and spoke about Hospice and the fact that he isnt eating
or drinking. I said as long as his kidneys are functioning , to give
him IV electrolytes. As usual they could not get a hold of local sister
for answers.

Dad, Mom, Life

Since my father's illness in the last post, I have been dealing
with phone calls from there.
Local sister cannot be reached
Various nurses and doctor calling to report on chest xray
and bloodwork - about to be done, done, and results.
Each time I spoke with them I told them to do a urine test
because he was messing himself.
I was told his bloodwork showed no white cells and they
would not be doing a urine test.
Well guess what, they called three(?) days ago to say he has
a UTI.  ... well fkin duh!

I got a call that mom fell again, at least she didnt re-injure
her back!

My apartment has been having flooding problems
and now that humid weather is here it is never going to dry up.
Went into the bathroom and "plink" a drop of water hit my head....
stubbed my toe in the night trying to avoid wet carpet
by my bed...

feeling like packing up my belongings :"(

Dad

They say he is doing better now.
I was pretty upset when I found out that nothing had been written up
about him being sick last saturday. By monday he was really not well
and confused. The nurse got him on antibiotics and took a chest xray
which was neg. Tuesday he was back to normal?
Thursday he had hard-boiled eggs for breakfast.
I told them once again that he has NO TEETH and that he cannot
eat a sandwich at lunch. She replied a "soft sandwich is considered
 within his ground meal requirements".
Sorry dad, I cannot do anything more for you, even though I dream
of making soft-boiled eggs for you to enjoy.

When I visited dad with my brother I experienced
dissociation once again. It felt like I was going to
float away out of my body - I actually held onto the stair guard rails .

Mom and Dad on the same day

My brother came to visit !
We went and saw each parent, whew, talk about
psychologically draining.

First of all we didnt find out till after we had been touching and
I had snugged my father that he had been very sick
and vomiting and had a fever !
Eeek.
He was weak and tired, but knew us.

I was SO afraid of bringing any bug to mom...
Mom didnt know who this man was who came and sat with her
but she did recognize his name on the card and identified it
as her son ! Yay!

My Thoughts on Medicaid

I was told by many to buy all kinds of (unneeded)
things with mother's money before she went on medicaid.
Big ticket items like TVs, car, whatever.
I responded that I had SAVED this money explicitly to pay
for her care and a nursing home.
Why do people not want to pay for this ???
I felt it was an incentive to get her into a home faster
and believe it worked.
Here is a quote from a retired nursing home admin. on a forum
voicing my thoughts exactly.

"  I've taken care of millionaires who legally transferred assets and were eligible for Medicaid.
First, there is a legal answer to your question that is best answered by an elder attorney. The look back period is a federal regulation and is the same for all states (five years).

Second, this issue also has ethical implications. Nursing homes do not make any money on Medicaid reimbursement. This is problematic for both for profit and nonprofit facilities as both have rising operational costs and reimbursement from Medicaid is designed to not allow a profit and is retroactive in its cost adjustment (18-24 months in some states). The point here is that as more people "plan" to avoid paying the non-Medicaid or private charge for nursing home care, the fewer residents are contributing to the basic business that makes a nursing home succeed in terms of being able to offer competitive pay/benefits, more nursing staff, better activities, etc. There is a STRONG correlation between those facilities that have a majority of Medicaid residents and low star ratings on Medicare's Nursing Home Compare site. And the kicker here for me is that there are numerous responses on this website that think nursing homes are terrible places and money grabbers but the same people would scheme to hide assets and deny paying their fair share. Medicaid was established to ensure that those who truly need care are able to receive it, not to ensure that the more fortunate could have their cake and eat it too.

Third, there is an irony here as well. The fastest growing line item in almost every state budget is the Medicaid expense for long term care. This is due, in large part, to families transferring assets to avoid paying for nursing home care. Twenty years ago I was administrator in a facility that had about 60% of its residents paying privately. This facility is now averaging only 12% private pay. As the facility has had to rely on Medicaid reimbursement as its primary source of revenue, staffing has been reduced and resident satisfaction has declined, as one would expect. "