Why am I not sad?

Found this in the ALZ forum---

" I try to think of mother's decline as a natural progression of her life. 

We all will die. 

ALZ is harder on the patient and family members than some diseases, but in the end any terminal disease is just as....well, terminal.

To get me through I concentrate my efforts on how to manage the disease, how to help mother feel loved, content, safe and comfortable. I don't let the disease and the decline bring me down because it saps my energy.

How do I not let it bring me down? I guess this is my magic pill (maybe not suitable to anyone else): I try not to feel sorry for myself nor for my mother for having ALZ. I feel sorry for a lot of things, but not for declining and dying. All that is a natural part of life. I try not to look at her as being a shadow of herself, but as the same person she has always been. For every step of the decline I try to do what is best for my mother and leave the grief for the day she dies.  "

Exactly.

Inspiring Award

Thank you SO much for nominating me Joy
and saying my little entries are "pithy" and you like my spirit.
That made me smile and feel good.
http://cleaninghousebook.blogspot.com/2014/09/how-inspiring.html

Sorry i dont have time to play the game right and I sure dont know 15 people
But if you want to get to know me, go to my profile and look at my personal
blog....
I grew up in the country.
Love my cat and ball jointed dolls.
I love to take things apart.
Love nature and bird identification.
I have a patient and kind nerdy kindred spirit boyfriend.
Started caring for my mother in the 1990's when my father left her.
I was verbally physically sexually abused neglected by her
as a child and teen.
My father was an extremely volatile man.
I forgave them both after much studying self help and growth books.
....I became both their caregiver at one point.

Who Am I ?

Poor mother woke up yesterday scared.
She didn't know who she was or what to do.
I gave her a long hug .....
Then got on her robe , got her breakfast .
She was fine after the grounding hug.
Washed her hair in the sink and got her into a nice shower.
She was still sore from our trip to the beach the day
before. Definitely the last time for that.
Best just to sit in the car like we have been and watch
the gulls fly by.
At least I got photos :)

New Tv

After years of dealing with mother pushing the buttons on the front
of her tv and completely messing it up, I bought her a new one.
A 23" flat screen with no buttons on the front.
i bought her a small one so she doesn't think the people are in the
room with her.
Also, since she hides the remote, I duct taped it to a cord and attached
it to the tv stand.
So far she seems to have adapted to it.
She is still thinking crumbs are bugs, even as I show her they are not.
One day I made the mistake of demonstrating by showing her the
clean counter, then showing her cookies and putting the crumbs on the
counter as she watched.
" Bugs !! " she cried..... Oh brother, that didn't work.
Logic does not work if the brain is broken.
Also i think it is cataracts .

Dad called

He wanted me to come shave his head.
Amazed he still remembers i did that for so long.
wanted to post a pic but blogger thinks i am on a phone.
He sounded good and the photo my sister sent he looks great.

Water Streaming

water streaming down mothers walls
all afternoon , night , and today.
thats right, it is a holiday weekend and no one is doing
anything about it except coming into her appartment
and saying wow and leaving.
ceiling falling down dresser ruined, photos,
and i am running around so pissed trying to get action.
mother thinks paint bubbling is bugs-
I left after that-
talk about adding crazy ontop of it.
.
Well, they finally broke into upstairs after I threatened calling
the fire department.
By then it was coming in the opposit side of the wall in her
bedroom. Had to save portrait of her mother as water streamed
down the wall.. pulled all the furniture away.
what a mess.