My Mom Loves the Tunes

I just walked down the hall to give her her laundry-
She is 84yo with ALZ
I was standing outside her door and she had
Queen "We will Rock You" BLASTING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlFZ2w0RV-8
I could hear her doing dishes and couldnt hear me knocking, or her phone.
When I left, her radio was blasting once again, this time playing
Taste of Honey "Get down Boogy oogie oogie"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvIydHPhb98

Digital Tv Confusion ALZ

Having a converter box hooked to my mothers tv is a burden beyond words.
She just will not stop pushing the buttons on the tv, even after we covered them.
I just got back from having the tv scan for channels, which eliminated all but ch3. Hopefully this will help. I just wish I could 'child lock' the thing- but I have attempted many combinations and cannot access it.
She gets quite cranky when she cannot access things- like the fuse box which I had screwed shut- she insists this is how to control the heat.
I am dealing mentally once again with my childhood and having a cruel and abusive mother..
I faced her about it years ago and was able to heal. but a show on tv this morning had me think about how I was a creature she could control through pain and use to vent her anger upon because I was alone with her so much. The relationship is different now, I am stronger than she.

Anxiety ALZ

I have decided as of today not to call my mother & tell her to get her laundry together. She used to say "Ok" and strip the bed... but lately it triggers a number of phone calls filled with confusion and fear of her clothes "getting mixed up with everyone else's".
She is also expressing fear of going out into the hallway alone, even though I live two doors down.
I find that she is pretending to remember things we have done with an "Ah, yes..." I never ask her if she remembers doing things, I talk about them like I would to someone who wasn't there- I can tell she doesn't really remember but is just agreeing with me.
Well, time to go do her laundry and then an oldies concert here. It causes me great pain to sit for this amount of time, but I know she loves music.

Starting To Understand ALZ

After reading the post below I am starting to understand Alzheimer disease.
You lose more and more of your brain function
but what you HAVE is still 100%.
My mother says she doesn't remember 'anything', but she doesn't get angry or overly upset about it. I imagine it being like having thoughts at the tip of your tongue, repeatedly, and accepting it. She actually laughs at herself for forgetting or doing nutty things.
This article may sound pitiful, a grown man playing with infant toys, but he was HAPPY. The parts of his brain that functioned were 100% .

http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2011/12/how-important-is-play-for-alzheimers.html

Went to take my father for the weekly visit to diner.

I shaved his head and trimmed ears and eyebrows.

Cleaned his clogged up hearing aids (gag)

He cut his nails while sitting in the carseat with the door open-

I watched as the nails collected outside on the windshield-ugh.

During "lunch" which he doesn't eat, he asked the waitress for a third 

glass of wine.

"NO" I said.

"Yes" he said to the waitress. "NO!" I repeated.

"Yes" he said and gave the glass to her and she got it. 

I told him he's gonna have to crawl to his room.

... I feel such anger towards him, barely able to shuffle back, totally drunk.

Iron claw grip on my wrist, maneuvering me like I am a walker, griping at me too slow,too fast...

causing me to shut down. 

At least I got to donate some winter coats afterwards to 

http://onewarmcoat.org/  I hope someone gets my big warm down coat.

Went to moms at four and found her spacey- not sure but she may have forgotten to eat lunch.

Thanksgiving

I went down the hall to watch the parade with mother.

My sister took my father to the diner.

At lunch I microwaved a couple of tasty turkey dinners for mom & I, she loved it.

On the weekend I roasted a chicken with all the fixin's and had family over to mom's. She was a bit confused or tired (?) Maybe it was a bit too much? Not sure, there were only the four of us and it was quiet.

 I guess at this point the person with the disease just kind of rides along with the tide that others create. 

Always Check the Refrigerator Closely

When you visit your elderly parent don't just look in and see that they have food in there. Open the containers and check the condition of it!
Milk and cottage cheese could be rotten but the closed containers look fine.
While mom was in the shower I grabbed a package of "Keep Frozen" preservative free hotdogs out of the refrigerator. They were GREY (ugh), and brought it with me to throw away. Yes, they will pick stuff out of the trash.
Another thing to check is the toaster oven temperature knob. Also the condition of the frozen dinner pans and cooking pots for signs of burnt or melting (a pot soaking in the sink or full of scouring powder etc.)
Combustible or plastic items near radiators is a good thing to check too.

Elderly Comedy Tragedy

This past week my mother made me laugh
I had left my cane at her apartment and when I knocked at her door to retrieve it
she opened the door all hunched over using the cane and acting all "crickity" It was hysterical and we had a good laugh as I called her 'granny'.

This past week my father had another fit of anger and smashed a cup in the dining-room of the home, frightening everyone. He was sent to his room. He told me he wasn't aware of ever being like that before, I replied he has been like that my whole life.

Respite? ha

A family friend emailed me monday that she was taking my mother out the next day and had already called her. Geez, if I would have known I might have planned something to be away that day. It was only by accident I saw them leave and ran down to the apartment to remove junk that mom refuses to throw away. Why don't people communicate? I know that she thinks she is doing me a favor by taking over for the day and leaving me out of it but I didn't even know that my mother had returned until she called me.
She told me that the friend had just "dropped her off" and that she made it to her apt. alone- WHAT? I find this hard to believe- must have forgotten(?)
Mother then took a nap and I tried to free my mind thinking that she was set for the day.
Nope.
She called at 4 nice and rested and wanted to go out!
uh, NO. You went to a museum and shopping!
Haven't you had enough entertainment?

Apparently not, if you can barely remember....

Caregiver Meeting

Just what I said it would be-
a room full of tables and swag.
Another room with droning microphone of Q&A.
Get a will, stay with parent in the Dr's room, get POA..
I ended up just asking the people at my table where they
would bring someone to elderly daycare and one person
answered a catholic place with nuns... My mother wouldn't
agree if she knew that, but I am willing to go look.
Needless to say, it was depressing being told once again
the things I have to get done and I came home to an antsy
mother on the phone wanting to go outside.

Dr's and beach

Well, the visit to the Dr's with mom went well.
Her bloodwork, pressure,weight, is perfect.
Her vitamin deficiency is under control.
The dr was pleased with my work on her ears.
She told me to keep trying with the 'Boniva' even if I cannot get it down her regularly-it's better than nothing.
Afterwards I took her to a small local grocery and to her delight let her wander with a basket. Then to the beach=her version of heaven.

Today, she has forgotten all that and is back to being unhappy with her life.
I am going to try and force myself to go to a caregiver conference- Damn, I do not want to- just thinking about going makes me think about skipping it. I hate conferences, all those tables of pamphlets and sitting through boring speeches.
I just want to ask someone how to deal with someone who doesn't want to DO anything and is obsessed with moving out.

Dealing with Not Wanting to go to Doctors

My mother does not want to do Anything for her health beyond taking vitamins and exercise. This would be fine but she has very thin bones and dementia.
So, when it came to needing bloodwork I said we were going for a cholesterol test which she went along with. She does not want to go to the doctors for a check-up so I said we were going to get her ears cleaned. (She is getting them cleaned)
It is difficult forcing someone who used to be your parent to do things they do not want to. Especially when they believe they are quite capable of living on their own and do not understand why or how they ended up where they are. All she knows is that she wants OUT of her apartment.

TV Countdown

I received the converter box from mom's cable company.
She says her tv is fine, which it is for now.
I will wait until it goes blank, then install the box.
one problem-
she will forget that it went blank.

Pumpkins

I brought mother to crafts today.
We painted pumpkins.
She had to stifle herself from complaining, I know it is not her thing.
I let her pick out the paint- pink and blue, and did not instruct her as to what
"should" go on a pumpkin but let her do her own thing.
She painted a blue person with flowers in their hand on one side
and a pink and blue animal of some sort (lol) on the other.
No photos because we left them behind to decorate some future party.
Then off for a short walk, we were both pretty tired today.

A Need to Feel Needed

My father has a friend at the home!
She is 102 and according to dad has no one to see to her needs.
He has a giant expensive bouquet of flowers delivered to her room every month, and the staff says he pushes her wheelchair to meals.
He has requested for me to bring over some large ziplock bags to replace her torn ones to store do-dads.
I am glad he has found a friend and a purpose, and I know it brings her joy.

Take This Away From Me

The anxiety I have about the basic cable going digital business is too much.
She doesn't understand and it is going to be a nightmare of confusion like it
was last year when I hooked her antennae to a converter box.
Back then she was unplugging the box and changing the tv off ch3 and screwing
it all up and I was constantly having to go over and reset it all.
god take this away from me......

Elderly and Digital TV

My mother has zero concept of digital tv.
All she does NOT want is a new tv or box with new remote that she wont know how to use.
As it is, the analog tv she uses has buttons on the front that she presses to control it instead of the remote.
This is hell.
Both my mother and father have analog tv's.

"Don't Make Me Feel Bad For Not Being The Old Me"

Thank goodness I am not like this daughter.
Personally, I find an ease communicating with those who cannot-
namely animals... So I think it gives me an edge.
And I accept my mother at each stage so far- but I think it's because she is still somewhat capable.

http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2011/10/understanding-living-with-dementia.html

Typical Day

Got a text from my sister saying dad called her, he "lost his keys and can I go over and find them :( " with a frowny face-
My brain thought of all kinds of snippy answers-- why? Because he has tons of staff over there that can do that for him, not my problem that he is paranoid to have them come into his room. I just answered 'why, is he alone?"
Went over to mother's and saw the pile of underwear in question from yesterday- she told me it was just there to put away but I knew she still thought they weren't hers, they would be in her drawer. I set up the vacuum for her and I proceeded to wash the bathroom and kitchen. When she wasn't looking I folded them and put them into her drawer. I know this isn't over though...
I am always astounded how much trash and recyclables this lady puts out- collected all this together, then had her inspect - god forbid I throw something away,right?

After I was done I did what I always do-
run home and suck down a cig.
Then take her for a walk.

Sis just texted 8 hours later wondering if I had taken care of the 'keys' issue with dad. Uh, no I have been busy with mother- Besides, I knew he had found them- he would have called me himself. Turns out he thought she had them. She made a big mistake of touching the keys (opened the door for his drunk ass)
I always have him fumble the lock himself, not that he would let me.
Never touch things of an elderly confused person without purposely pointing out where the object is NOW,and by having them touch it. I have done this countless times.

These Are Not My Underwear

Here we go again...
Third call tonight from my very confused mother insisting that she has somehow acquired men's underwear . Or that maybe she has picked up someone else's underwear from their home.
They are hers.
I told her I will look at them tomorrow and to please go to bed...

How do I keep my own sanity when barraged daily with
insanity

Embarrassed By Dementia ?

Some people are embarrassed to take their 'confused' people into the public to eat. Last week I took mother to a 'real' restaurant instead of fast food. She, of course, said she had been there many times (why does she say this about everything?) I made sure to find a fruit drink and a fish entree and order it for her before the waitress had a chance to badger her for a response. Unfortunately, the drink came in a glass taller than her-she couldnt even reach the straw! Also, there were chunks of fruit in it that clogged the straw- what a PIA. Anyways, I had her dig out the ice onto a plate and she proceeded to use her fork and dig out the fruit- LOL!
I am not embarrassed by her.
If she forgets how to use a fork, we'll get chicken tenders.

Alzheimer Always Tired

My mother's lack of sleep is a total mystery to me.
She cannot understand why she is awake late at night and too early in the morning. She says she lays there thinking but cannot remember about what. I think she is too hot & stuffy because she refuses to leave her windows open- ever- because, you guessed it, it's going to rain...NOT !
There are alot of articles about lack of sleep and this disease but the only thing I see people doing about it is sleeping pills.
I have errands to run today and I called her to ask her to join me and to write it on the calendar. Of course when it's time to go two hours later she is still in her pajamas. At least I am learning now to not expect her to be ready, but to re-call her so she will stop watching tv and get going.
I know bringing mom with me will be like dragging a wet log around, but she was enthusiastic about getting out.
Thank goodness for antidepressants.

Elderly Paranoia

My father's paranoia has gone on for years.
His apartment that we emptied was full of medicine bottles, and anything else with his name on it, even envelopes with the little lines at the bottom that he swore had his information encoded in it. He refuses to use his room phone because 'people are listening'. And now his cell phone. He said it rang while he was in the dining room at the home and that it was a resident at another table who was mad at him for- (some nonsense involving food) - I told him no one has the number, but he thinks people can listen in on the cell phone also now, and thats why he gets sales calls on it.
Every time I visit he has me remove all the envelopes and magazine labels he cuts off so that I can shred them... which I bring home and throw away. 
I am so tired of these parents of mine.

Drunk Again

Once a week I take my father to a diner and every time, he gets wasted on wine. I tell him just to have one glass because I don't want him to fall and each time we go he either gets another one while I am in the restroom or orders another one and sheepishly apologizes to me at the same time. This results in an extremely embarrassing situation for me when we leave the diner and he is clinging to me. I used to be able to drop him off at the home and now I have to walk all the way to his room with this CRABBY man grabbing my arm telling me I am going too fast/ too slow, practically falling over. Shouting at other residents, and being more of an a-hole than usual. 

My sister decided to bring him to the diner once a week also when she found out he could provide her with money after I took over my mother's finances and cut her off. I feel badly for her in that she works full time- but if she wants the money she has to pay the price. 

Changing Myself

Today I am taking my mother with me to do a craft project for charity here. In the past I would do it for her to get her out but it never worked out that way. I would not be able to enjoy myself because I would have to do her project (like color easter eggs) as well as mine. It just ended up being a very stressful time for both of us. So today, I am going to do the crafts and just bringing her along. I am telling her she is going to be my 'helper'... This way she wont be so stressed out from lack of understanding and hopefully I wont be so stressed out helping her do something she doesn't want to do in the first place.

Alzheimer Progression Signs

One of my first indications that her disease was progressing was that this person who believed in all natural cooking from scratch was buying frozen dinners. She was cooking them in a toaster oven and I would find burnt pots soaking in the sink.
 Then there was all the 'repeat' buying. Tons of uneaten chocolates, cabinets full of untouched foods she couldn't remember how to cook (like rice), shampoo,cream rinse, moisturizers overflowing.
And dangerous food handling- like defrosting frozen vegetables in a rotten mess , Defrosting natural "Keep frozen" foods- I would find rotten and grey preservative free hotdogs in the refrigerator. Of course she would NOT believe there was anything wrong with the food.
She forgot how to color her hair after 40 years and decided it looked fine grey.
She used to balance my older sister's checkbook as well as her own,but suddenly couldn't.
It was also then that she lost a lot of weight.
Everyone said that people lose weight when they get old and would not listen to me when I brought it up.
One day, I took her to the grocery store and she took off without me, as though I wasn't even there.

Hoarding Cleaning

My mother was finally taken out of the apartment for a few hours
by a friend of hers- in trade for computer help & a shower.
I was able to get in and remove a garbage bag's worth of newspapers
and magazines. I was barely able to lift it! Believe me there was plenty
left so she would never notice. This problem filled an entire bedroom
at her other place before she moved here- she will not let me take them away.
So I have to lie and say I want to read them, or do things like this.
For some reason, she will not put things in the trash.
Every day I have to toss boxes & dinner trays, jello cups,cereal boxes, lids- everything-
nothing gets put in the can, they just pile up & up.

Re- Reading

My mother will read the same newspaper over and over-
It drives me crazy seeing this.
It doesn't bother her, she is enjoying reading the articles-
so today I decided that I will just let it slide from now on.
I just need someone to get her out of the apartment so I can get out the accumulating pile.
She was very confused yesterday which was first- "3/28/11" or " 9/28/11 "
so instead of trying to explain, I took down a calendar and had her flip the pages forward. After a couple times it registered (whew)

Weather Station Hell

My mother has had the tradition of following the weather since I was a teenager.
She would even draw out hurricane tracks on a map as they used give out the coordinates on local TV.
Every time it rained I would get the warning phone calls.

Well, my father has discovered the Weather Channel.
Now they both have it on.
 Aaah!!!
Mother has "RAIN" written on every day of her calendar.
Father is calling repeatedly to tell me there are storms coming.
Only one thing is for sure-

It's NOT RAINING!!!!!

Dia- What?

I made my morning phone call to mom.
She said she was
"Reading an old diarrhea"
I exclaimed "DIARRHEA?!!"
Omg, we had a great laugh LoL!

At the end of the conversation she said she was going to continue reading
her "Diary minus the Rhea"
haha

Alzheimer Card Game

I found mom was unable to play "Go Fish" with regular playing cards.
They look too much the same and way too many different cards.
I picked up 'Fundex' King size Fish cards the other day.
There are three ways you can identify a card.
The funny fish cartoon.
The fish's name on the bottom of the card.
The color of the fish's name.
I let her have multiple turns and with not repeatedly asking for the same card.
Cards have great multiple stimuli. Visual, dexterity, matching pictures together.
She loved shuffling them.
I highly recommend these.

Lunch With Dad

During my visit today my father,
 an avid science magazine reader,
 told me he can no longer really see
 or comprehend what he is reading.
That was tough to hear since we usually discuss
the magazine topics we share great interest in.
I take my father to a diner once a week.
This time I filled our date full of memories of my childhood.
He was amazed remembering the 1963-4 NY Worlds Fair,
 my first christmas, how he smelled coming home from working at the chemical plant.
*

He said he wished he could do something for me, then said
"You saved my life..."

Reading And Speaking

My mother is having a hard time reading.
She is pronouncing written words incorrectly.
During conversation she will utter some gibberish-
thank goodness she is still able to hear herself and we can have a good laugh...
for now....

We Did That Already!

Took my mother out after lunch for a 45 minute walk and then sat in the shade for a while. I knew she was very tired & would nap. Well, at 4:00 she called wanting to go for a walk! She had completely forgotten she had been out already and wanted to get out for a walk today-

Father's Dementia

Well, my father's brain seems to be shrinking, or something.
He chooses to be completely out of touch with the world- will not watch the news or change the channel off of animal planet with no sound. He will however read science magazines and enjoy talking about their contents still, but I think that his eyesight may be going. I cannot imagine not being able to eat, see, or hear very well.
He stays holed up in his new small room, rarely venturing outside and when he does he's always surprised at how nice the fresh ocean air is.
I try to encourage him to go outside and sit but he comes up with an excuse and I don't press.
He has gotten a lot more feeble in the past few months-mostly because of just sleeping the days away I guess. 

Alz and losing balance

I think my mother might be entering a new 'stage'.
I have read that loss of balance becomes an issue.
She toppled over twice in two days.
Once with my sister and she skinned her knees in the grass.
And today she was trying to line dance, something she loves to do but couldn't do it today. She ended up tripping over her own feet and slowly going down. Most people would have caught themselves easily but I guess when your brain isn't firing it doesn't move your foot over to stop the fall.

Chemical Build-up

The chemicals and hormones in my brain from the stress of these people has built up too much again. By these people I mean my parents. 

I feel quite thin and fragile.

 My father has no idea how cruel and angry he was raising us

 and that all of his children are broken 

because of he and his abusive wife. 

Pill Switching

My mother has an AM/ PM pill box for her "memory pills"
Upon my knock at the door she will open the appropriate slot
 and move the pill to another open one.
Extremely annoying because she will say she took it.
But when she isn't looking, if I put the pill back into the slot & close it,
wait a while and give it, she takes it no question asked.
Sometimes she succeeds in confusing me,
but today she didn't.

Memory Loss

Both of my parents are suffering tremendous memory loss now.
My mother's short term is zero, and well, so is her long term.
My father's has diminished to perhaps a day.
I have to switch gears now with my father to the way I speak to my mother.
I never say "remember- such & such", because he doesn't, unless it is from the way past. I felt pretty bad yesterday when he said he needed to make 'preparations' and I was taken aback - He was actually surprised when I said he had paid for and signed papers for cremation.
 He has said he wanted this for 20 years! Now he acted like it was all new.
It was painful, but quickly forgotten.
My mother will have nothing to do with any conversation about it-- Never has.
The only difference is now the conversation goes the direction every conversation goes we have.
" I want to go back to Ohio".

Ear Flushing Risks

My mother's ears were impacted beyond belief.
The huge wad that I removed from both made me ill.
Now, for the lesson I learned from it.
She got tinnitus.
I think it is slowly getting better, but I feel rotten about it and wont do this again. I do plan on maintenance though.
My father went to the Dr. to have his ears cleaned and they were "unable" to clean his! I don't understand how they can send him out untreated unless they didnt want to risk tinnitus (?)
I guess I should expect this from a VA hospital.

Ears Ugh!

Yesterday at the Geriatric doctor's visit he said she needed her ears cleaned.
What.
 I have her and my father clean their ears with drops and q-tips twice a month!
Well, today I did a first- I peered in there with a flashlight.
Ughhhhh! Hey, I have never seen beyond what you see when you look at a person's ear.
I didnt know it went in so far & got so small.
I had bought an earwax removal kit & filled her up.
Because of her Alzheimers I had to repeatedly remind her why
she had to lay there & why her ears were making funny noises.
Our parents were brought up not to put anything in their ears-
I go right down that canal to my eardrum with my Qtip!
The ear drops actually are disolving the crap in there, but not way in.
I will repeat for a couple days then if needed do the "flushing"
with warm water that I would like to avoid since I remember her
doing it years ago and getting dizzy and ill.
If all else fails we'll go to Dr.

Geriatric Assessment Day

Every six months I take mom to the Dr. to be retested and see how she is doing.
 The Dr said she was quite "animated" today, her short term memory is practically zero,
 and she said she is bored and feels trapped in her apartment.
  I told them I take her out every day but she doesn't remember.
The social worker(?) gave me a bunch of pamphlets -
I started to sink into a hole again, the one I sink into when pamphlets are dumped on me.
I told her I needed a secretary or someone to make all these calls for a companion service.
Plus application for respite monies if they can be used.
 I told her I was very nervous about hiring a stranger to come into mom's place.
She reassured me that they only recommend bonded people etc.
Also that I could call and hire a "geriatric case manager" .
Our 15 minutes were up- three of which he had been on the phone
 and a bunch I spent alone in the room.

"See you in six months!"

"I QUIT !!! "

Some days I just want to scream this at my family
and tell them to take over.
I Quit !!! 
..






. *sigh*......

Antidepressants First Time at Age 87

Three weeks on it and doesn't know.
I think I hear a change in my father on the phone.
He doesn't sound so gruff, angry,complaining...

Today he exclaimed what a beautiful day it was out...
His voice sounded 'light' like it used to a couple years ago.
Almost, dare I say,
happy..?

Injuries

Mysterious injuries are hard to deal with when your parent does not know how they happen.
If you visit them every day you at least know when it happens, I can understand how things could be worse if you do not.
I see my mother every day.
I visited mom last week in the morning and found she had burned her hand.
It wasn't burned the afternoon before.
Because I know her routine I knew she had burned it reaching into the toaster oven. She of course had no idea it was a burn or how it happened.
Keeping her from poking at it with dirty fingers is practically impossible, just like it was when she had dry eyes and they got infected because she wouldnt keep her fingers out.
I feel bad for her, the injury is still a mystery to her a week later. Every day it is a new discovery, a new strange thing on her hand she doesn't know what it is or where it came from..

Emily Dickenson

I felt this an appropriate  quote for here..

"I felt a cleavage in my mind
As if my brain had split;
I tried to match it, seam by seam,
But could not make them fit.

"The thought behind I strove to join
Unto the thought before,
But sequence raveled out of reach
Like balls upon a floor."

--Emily Dickinson

Chore Day

Today I went over to mom's and had a cleaning morning.
I set up the vacuum for her and I tackled the bathroom
and then the kitchen.
She was tired but in the typical way of reacting to this she said she should go out for a walk. Her body was telling her something= rest, but she cannot hear her body anymore. Her answer to whatever her body says to her is 'go for a walk' whether it is telling her she is hungry or to rest.
I made her lunch and left to rest myself.
When I called a couple hours later to take her out she hadn't eaten yet but had fallen asleep. Instead of a walk, we just sat outside and enjoyed the breezes.

Beads For Mom

I bought a bead kit at the craft store and some clear stretchy cord thick enough for her to hold and see. Also some magnetic clasps.
She become quite anxious when presented with the project, which we work on alittle every day. She is confused because there are so many different shapes and becomes very upset that she will put them on the cord in the wrong order.
I had no idea she was so particular about things being exact- to the point of not wanting to do whatever it is for fear of making a mistake.
I am quite sure she has been like this her whole life, and now with this disease it is even harder. Continuous reassurance that it is for fun, showing her how pretty it is, and her inability to see well makes it very slow going so it will be a few days till she's done.

Crazy Sunday

The weekend and today I have been barraged with phone calls from both of them.
First it was my father calling about his knit cap being missing and he cannot sleep without it. Back & forth calls till he found it. Then calling to say he crapped the new shorts I got him. I have been dealing with his crapped clothes so much I called the place and asked that they lower the stool softeners he's on. He called the next day to say NOT to DO that because he needs to be on them, and did not recall soiling his clothing before.
Mother called countless times on sunday about going to church with my sister who wouldn't answer phone.
This morning I was trying to fill out S.S. forms for myself and rental rebate forms for mother and I. After the fourth phone call saying she needed milk (she doesn't)
I lost it and hung up on her.
Sometimes I wish I had the strength to smash something.
Instead, I go over and get her laundry and write up a grocery list there with big letters for her to see.

Let Them Do It

If you do not let the person with dementia do 'it',
 whatever it may be, They will forget how!
This applies to countless activities through the day.
Sure it would be easier for me to handle the money at the store, and mom tries to make me, but I still send her over to the register herself as I stay close by.
Sure it would be easier for me to vacuum and get it overwith, but I set up the machine for her & leave it to her. 
 I have come to learn she is a very clean and organised person,
 but for chores that are not done every day she forgets how.

There are many acts of kindness I could do for her, but in the end they become one more thing she will be unable to to.

Oh, she said a wonderful thing=
 "I don't hate it here, I just wish I had a back yard I could go out to myself"
Progress! She actually has been using deductive reasoning! Actually thinking about what specifically is the problem she has with living here, instead of just saying "I wanna go home".

Father and His Clothes

My father wants to get rid of his underwear! What is it with these two and their underwear?!
He says he has too many pairs.
He says he has never and will not ever wear his sandals -
he wore them all last summer, he doesn't remember that.
Wow he is losing it- I am going over tomorrow and will do what I have done in the past- take the items no questions asked, and keep them to bring back if needed in the future.

Mother's New Clothes

Since my mother has gained some weight she is very confused as to why her clothing does not fit. Lately, every time I go over there she hands me underwear & shorts or whatever and says that they must be mine- "they're huge" (she means small) "You must have left them here". After protesting and explaining the last few times hasn't worked I just take the items.
But this created a problem, she needed new underwear and she is a person who pays huge attention to size labels.
I bought her proper sized underpants but she was alarmed at the size printed on them. After trying them on countless times, and totally confused why the stretched out old 5's fit her as well as the 9's I told her that tomorrow she would be calling me saying they were MY underwear and that she should write herself a note.
Same with the new sneakers I got her-which she Loves. I kept pointing at them and reminding her they were new & to look at them closely.
I left the apartment with all her old underwear & sneakers so she would have nothing to compare the new ones to.
I know the note will be lost and she will be wondering who left their things there...ah well, we did our best.

What Was The First Sign of Alzheimer's

 The first sign was my mother's inability to balance her checkbook.
But years before that, she decided that she could no longer drive- out of the blue this person who like to drive all over the place & shop suddenly said she couldn't keep up with it.  I just attributed it to poor hearing.
years later I can remember clothes shopping with her and she kept taking the shirt she had just chosen out of the cart and asking what it was over & over & over.

http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2010/11/what-was-first-sign-of-alzheimers.html

I am shocked at how many people started showing in their 50's

Father

I wish my father would just call a cab and go to a bar.
Instead of having me take him 'to lunch' where he doesn't eat.
It pains me when in the same sentence he will thank me for helping him, then say he's in a 'nut-house' and how much he hates it and to "never recommend this place to anyone".... when he knows I am the reason he's there.

Mother

Just a little reading today- one person's experience. She was lucky.
http://www.squidoo.com/alzheimer-family

Some days are just too much for me. Her state of mind, her reality too confusing for me because soon after I explain something it is forgotten.
She doesn't understand why I dont want to explain something because she doesn't remember that I just did!
And yet alot of things are being remembered(!)
Causing me more confusion.
Stubbornness abounds with clothing- insists on wearing a jacket when I tell her it is 90 out. I resist getting an air conditioner for her when  she cannot figure out how to control the heat and INSISTS upon unplugging everything and not having fans or anything on at night.
I wish I had a family member that was a 'go getter'. 

New Development

My mother is suddenly claiming that articles of clothing aren't hers.
Underpants, shirts,pants, sweaters, all of a sudden she is saying someone must have left them there or they are mine.
No amount of convincing her that they match what is already in her drawer, they are her size not mine-whatever- nope!
Today I had her look at the ingredients of her very fattening klondik bars- She is upset she is gaining weight(from a 6 to a 12) and she eats one of those 250calorie 135fat bars a day!
They had 100 calorie klondike which she bought and then did what she does everytime..... "You take them"
*sigh*

1 Year

I cannot believe the "year" mark came and went for both parents and I in this strange new life.
I still wonder what life would be like if I had not gone to my father's place that morning in March.
I am amazed at how they both are doing better these days- It actually frightens me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my father would still be alive- the only reason he is is because he doesn't have access to alcohol. "If only I still had a car" he says.
My mother seems to do quite well on Aracept and walks, ie: mental stimulation from company.
My father says they treat him like an animal where he is. I am not sure what he means but I think it is that they have restrictions on his freedom. He wants to walk down the road with no sidewalks (to the package store) and they tell him he cannot.
It is hard for me to decipher what is real and what are the perceptions of an innately suspicious man who is mentally declining.
My mother cannot remember that we walk almost every day and constantly complains she doesn't get out.
Meanwhile, I am exhausted and fed up with their lack of a life being dumped in my lap.
I know, I know, there is help out there I need only make the additional calls and appointments, schedule meetings and hiring help...........

Get Away

For the first time,
I went away for the weekend and didn't call either one of them.
My sister took my mother for the day sunday and promised to walk her to & from her apartment- what a load off my mind.
I didn't care to talk to either one of them at all.
It was good to get away.
I am tired of this assignment, job, whatever.
I want to have my own life, move away.

Inside The Mind Of AD

Here is a link to a man with early onset describing what is going on inside.
I can really understand my mother when he says-
"How rotten we can get, and next minute the world is rosy to us and you have the problem". Or-
"Spending and forgetting we did it, driving those close to us to exhaustion and we do not even realize it"

living-with-alzhiemers.blogspot.com

Mother Wishing Life Away

My mother said she had been in bed thinking about her childhood home.
She has wanted to return there since 1959.
I often wonder what my childhood would have been like if my mother hadn't resented being moved away by her husband's job.
Suddenly there was no family support, in a strange state with young children, all alone.
There isn't anything I can do about it now, and it is all she talks about.
Having dementia, it is hard to speak logically to her that it wouldn't be the same-
Sometimes I get tired of it and tell her to call her son, who lives on her old street.
Ask to go live with him, I say.
I have nothing to offer to make it better.

Panic

I told my father I would not be able to take him out this Friday.
He is in an alcoholic panic about this...
He has been pressing me each day since my Friday visit to come this week.
"It's only an hour of your time"
Sunday I told him I would not be home and he called me repeatedly.
Left one message saying to come Wednesday, then hang-ups to home & cellphone.
At nine pm I had had it and answered saying I will not be coming this week.
It took me big balls to say this and I know it is not the end of it by any means.
Next he will probably get angry, or poor me in this joint full of crooks & stupid people,
 or try to make me feel guilty because of car or money he has given me.
I told him I will not go to package store for him.
I quit buying 2+yr ago and cannot go into a package store.

Alcohol is what almost killed him.

Controlling Parents

I have been reading forums to find out how children deal with parents who were controlling and or bullies when they were kids and how they deal with them now that they are adults.
The consensus was that as children we were 'groomed' to be victims by parents, powerless in their own lives, found power in controlling and bullying their children.
One person's answer was that a bully has no power
if it has no victim.
My father has been bullying everyone where he lives, and laying down crazy strict rules, which if not followed by new staff they receive his loud wrath.
Rules for medications, mail, seating, Everything.
Oh, and god forbid you are overweight.
Then wonders why no one will take him to the shower!
Somehow,
I need to teach myself that I have the right to live my own life
and to live it without guilt... Not allow myself to be bullied or controlled anymore.
By my mother or father.
I just do not know how, and I am making things worse for myself by doing everything they demand.

Alcoholism and Elderly

My father is an alcoholic who has no access to alcohol now that he is in a home.
When I take him to the diner he has two glasses of wine. Then for the next week it is on his mind till we go again. Every evening he calls and says he wishes he 'could have some more of that right now'. Even at the diner he says he could just keep having more and more.
I wish I didn't have to deal with this, I quit having alcohol in my house 2 years ago.
Another thing is his stupid shared bathroom battle with his neighbor.
The guy leaves his door open,pees on the seat etc.
The place called me yesterday because they were shouting over it.
I wish so badly I were like most people and had less personal contact with BOTH my parents.
I hate being in this situation.
I just want to clock him.
  But since I cannot do that I want to yell at him to
"Knock it OFF" like he would to me.

Understanding Alzheimer's Disease

Very good article I found speaks about the physical part of the brain being affected and the results experienced.
Starting where it says 'Illustration of the brain'
http://www.iowacareercounselor.com/Understanding.htm

Father's Health

My father was sent to the VA hospital on Friday for difficulty breathing and chest pain.
I thought they meant a heart attack but that wasn't it.
He had fluid in his lungs which they dried up with diuretics.
Then, because it was the weekend, nothing was done.
I called and called- no Dr.
Monday he was seen by residents.
Then he got an echocardiogram.
The next day he got the results- fluid around heart & a bad valve. 
Every day this week I called and called wanting to speak to a Dr.
I couldn't figure out why they were keeping him when they weren't going to do any treatment.
Finally I got a call tuesday 8am saying he would get stress test wednesday!
I was aggravated- why make him stay over night for this and why give him a stress test??
He got the stress test & another echo that day.
wednesday was another day hanging around for results.
Today, thursday I hope he will be going back home.
Their prognosis- Bad valve. On low dose diuretics.

Mother at Night

My mother called me after 8pm last night.
" Where's the top to the thing in the kitchen?"
"It's hot in here and the heat is off"
At this moment all I am thinking as I sit there in my PJ's
is -does this sound important enough to go over?
Is this a safety issue?
No... so after not being able to figure out what she means
I tell her not to worry about it and go to bed.
I read today that people with alzheimer have a hard time regulating their body heat. I am positive that she was agitated and her body temp rose with it.

Today I had maintenance screw her fuse box closed to keep her from fiddling with the circuit breakers.

Mom on a Regular Day

" who's mitten is this?"
Yours from your childhood, you lost the other one.
"I think I picked it up somewhere, I can't find the other one
Do you know who's mitten this is?"
"What are we doing today?"
We are going to ___'s house, I am taking you so lets get your blue coat on.
You don't need your purse.
"I wish I knew where that mitten came from"
I get a piece of paper & write on it 'this is a mitten from your childhood
the other one is lost' telling her as I write it.
"So, what are we doing today?"
Getting her coat & hat out. All her gloves are missing. I go to find the container of gloves
as she asks for the third time about wearing boots.
Your keys are around your neck.
You don't need your purse.
Finally coat,hat gloves on she almost goes into bedroom again-nooooo!
"Do you think that mitten is ___'s?"
"where's my keys?"
Your keys are around your neck.
We are outside and she realizes she has forgotten long underwear and wants to go back up.
This is only the span of 25 minutes.....

Getting Better ?

Soon it will be a year since finding my dad at death's door and the crazy days of moving him through the hospital/rehab to assisted living. At the same time emptying his mess of an apartment.
Then came his own insistence of prep for death & wanting to give away what little he had left- I did what he wanted and was fine with it, but..
I was not prepared for what is happening now.
He is starting to think more clearly, and to gain weight.
Just this month he has started to write his own checks again.
He is going outside and today was looking for his binoculars to watch birds.
I was prepared for him to die
I am not prepared for him to live.

Mom On a Good Day

Today I brought my mother to the library.
I asked for help in finding a book.
The librarian would not help me find it
so I was stuck with a little paper with the numbers
on it. I couldn't find it & gave up.
My mother took the paper and wandered into the
stacks.

And found it..... !

Sometimes this is all so confusing to me.

Book Suggestion

I am reading a very good guide for people
with aging parents. Especially ones who are
displaying signs of confusion or memory loss.
"The 36-hour Day " by Mace and Rabins
It contains fantastic usable information.

Cook ?

It occured to me that people wouldn't realise that my mother
has lost her ability to cook like she used to.
When I put the word 'cook' it mean't put a frozen lean quisine
in the toaster oven. Which actually she will not be able to do much longer.
Thank you for the suggestion of using kids Go Fish cards.
I am also wishing I could find kids arithmetic work books-
really easy ones. She likes Word Search once she gets started
and I help when she gets discouraged.
She seems to have forgotten that you can wash your hair
& body at the same time in the shower...or something...
I will have to check into this more.
Last week was hearing aid & ear cleaning for both of them.
Thank goodness I made an appointment for dad to see a
podietrist and get his toenails clipped -
I almost lost it when I did them :P

Winter of 2011

Record amounts of snow.

As difficult as past year has been for me juggling my parents,
This past year I would have been without my father
and my mother would have suffered greatly because I would not
have been able to get to her and she would have been snowed in alone.
Thankfully, my father is in assisted living and my mom is down the hall.

Awww

My mother can watch the lobby where we live.
Today after a very long trying day
she was at my door when I came home. (yipes!)
She wanted to "cook" me dinner.
Aww, what a sweet offer....
Really meant a lot.
Too bad I couldn't eat after my dental visit-
Amazing how well she does if I keep up on her
meds & vitamins, at least that's what I think it was.

Ring Ring Ring

I wish I could have a couple days when my phone didn't ring.
Both of them call me daily. Yes I hear you readers who have
lost your parents say I should be thankful...
But it is a burden to me.
Having them so intimately in my life makes it impossible for me to move ahead. My father constantly talks about the past, which makes me think about the past- something that I had finally dealt with and healed...and then I get dragged back there over & over. My mother on the other hand wants to be told about the past, that she has totally forgotten.
 Neither of them have any idea about the pain, no idea that their children are messed up because of them. I am not sure what 'past' they speak of... Certainly not the one I know.

I'm done with all that pain-
I want my own life -
I want to be with my love.

Go Fish

I have been sick for a couple weeks I think.
Not wanting my parents to get ill I have been avoiding too much contact. I still have a cough but do not feel I am contagious anymore so I visited mom for an extended time yesterday (1 hour) until I was exhausted & had to return home.
During this time I played the card game 'Go Fish' with mom.
Unfortunately without short term memory she kept asking
for the same card over & over even though she had a handful of cards.

"Do you have any Jacks?"
I patiently gave her many turns and re-instruction
and it was fun, but I had to go home to bed after.

Dressing for Weather

I called my mother Sunday morning to see if my sister was bringing her to church. I had texted her to tell me if she was because I would need to go over there & make sure she washed her hair & dressed for single digit cold. No text reply, and mom said she got no call.
That night at 10pm mom called and got me out of bed to go over and remove a necklace, she was in her sunday clothes which I found peculiar but not unheard of.
Last night my sister said she had taken mom to church and she had dirty hair & wore a raincoat.
I told Miss Clueless again that she HAS to tell me so I can assist!
I have told her this numerous times, hopefully now it will stick.

Humor

I felt a need for humor here-
maybe you can think of one?
Got this in an email-

" More Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need  for a STC (Senior Texting Code).

 HABD: hearing aid battery dead ( I made that one up)

ATD: At The Doctor's

BFF: Best Friend Farted

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.

ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up

SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go  Poop

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

Punched

I got a call at eleven AM on Sunday from Seacrest.
(staff person)was on the phone saying that they see that dad has a black eye.
She then tells me that Saturday afternoon (after dinner?) my father was waiting for the elevator with a bunch of other residents when all of a sudden there was an outbreak of noise. She ran over to the elevator to find my dad picking up his glasses. The other residents said that the (described) man had hit my father. Dad said he was ok.
I called my dad and asked him what happened and he said the guy punched him in the eye and knocked his glasses off knocking the lens out & bending the frame. He also said he couldn't remember much else & was fuzzy so I decided to bring him to the emergency room & get checked out.
His more detailed description came out then.
"I was waiting for the elevator and this (described person) guy was making noises, so I "whoah" 'd at him (huffed)
and he punched me in the eye".
Today--
I just finished talking to his social worker-
The staff told her nothing about being there for the incident-- only that they discovered him with a black eye Saturday. The social worker started to tell me you can get a black eye by falling & giving it to yourself (!!!)
She seemed quite confused when I told her that they had told me about him being hit in front of the elevators.
I do not know what to do because there aren't any other places with private rooms that the VA will pay for so I am hesitant to do anything, and so is my dad.

Let Them Eat Chocolate

A touching article a friend sent me...
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/01/health/01care.html?_r=1

It made me sad
to realize that most of us will end up without people
 around who know who we are
and what we need to comfort ourself.
Our possessions, our pets, our friends,will be gone...
Hopefully there will be people who bother to try to
get to know us.