I came to a deep understanding in my 20's
an Epiphany if you will.
I was able to see how the abuse I had suffered at the hands of
my family was them working out their own troubles..
and I had to change my view and understand where they were
coming from.
I was overcome with a NURTURING LOVE for my parents.
My mother had suffered the loss of her dear loving kind mother
around the age of 7
Her mother got breast cancer that metastasized to her brain.
My mother told me she would be chastised as a child to be quiet
because her mother was in pain upstairs- her head would be so painful
she would be screaming.
After she passed away, her father sent her to live with relatives.
Her father and new wife didnt have her in their new life.
She suffered sexual abuse, I suspect from an uncle who abused me and she had lived with.
she later confessed she thought all children did and that it was normal.
she later confessed she thought all children did and that it was normal.
( thus she sexually abused me and perhaps knew others did also(?)
My father had alcoholic parents but beyond that I do not know-
the only thing he ever said was that he was "made" to sleep in the
attic and had snow on him.
But I have a HUGE scrap book his mother made and it appears to me
that he was her golden child. He said she would be drunk sitting on the
piano singing when he would be playing with his band
and he disliked her intensely. I think she and he were narcissists.
He went to war and was captured by the Germans.
I attributed his insane anger to this, but he tortured my mother and all of us.
We were brought up by two horrible humans.
My epiphany awoke a deeper understanding and I saw them from the inside.
I also saw how they effected my siblings and how they in turn took
out their anger and loss of control
upon the weakest human which was me being ten years younger.
