Started Mom on Antidrepressant

This week I decided to try her on Lexapro.
It has an anti-anxiety property to it.
My father did better on it and so do I.
Unlike what doctors do when they prescribe something
ie they start too high and then titer down
I started her on 2.5mg for a few days then last night
I crushed a 5mg one in her first bite of dinner.
The door alarm went off at midnight and that was it.
Hopefully it will help her sleep and us too.
I felt like I was on the way out yesterday mentally
with her up all night.

Got a call after all these years from the memory care place
she has been on the list for three years. She apologized
and we had a good talk.
She could tell I was at my wits end.
She said that transferring mother to there after she is another home
was easy (as far as the paperwork).
She has a letter from moms geri-psych saying she needs skilled nursing!
Unfortunately, no clue as to when for entry into that place, it being the
best around... But I will continue searching and touring, and getting
list together of things to buy and pack for future move.

All the Things Going on

I read many posts about others in my situation.
As i read them I realize that the things I am used to mother doing
put her at late stage six. Incontinence being the only thing to take her
to the next level.
She would wear the same clothing and underwear every day.
She would never wash her hair, bathe or brush teeth..
Her toileting is, uh, unsanitary. I don't dare use her hand towels over there.
Of course she says she "just did that " as far as changing or bathing etc.
Cannot prepare even a sandwich.
cannot use the phone.
Language is heard as gibberish, she says gibberish sometimes.
OH, and this one=
She is repeatedly startled to see me in the apartment.

The other night I had to lay with her in her bed as she kept popping up
with confusion... "where am I, did I get here by car, I am home -wow good, where am I ,
did I get here by car, I am home wow good..... "
Over and over and over - It was frightening .
I felt SO bad for her- she was wide-eyed and scared.
She stroked my arm and I stroked hers till she finally calmed down
and I turned on her bedside radio talk show...
She realized I should go to bed and said good night.
WOW

There is no way she can go to assisted living and I cannot see how
medicaid  would refuse to pay for her to be in skilled nursing
place ????
Maybe they can since she is mobile and healthy.

Another No Show ?!

New companion never showed up for her
" meet and greet "
Door alarm went off at 2AM, 5AM
and then quit working !
O_O  ughhhh......

So.......
at least the bracelet came.
I am trying to figure out the best thing to do with her savings
checking accounts in prep for the future.
Thinking of condensing the accounts as much as I can.
I cannot find any info as to how the nursing home takes over those
things.

Update

Well, that wandering jaunt sure scared me especially
when she showed up the next day too.
I toured another home and liked it a lot.
Nice and bright rooms

Bird watching room and a court yard.
The only thing that bugs me is what to do in the winter when you
cannot go outside and the only thing to do is walk the halls...
I guess thats the same anywhere right?
Too bad she isnt like my father and used to hospital-like settings
and care.
I was told three to four months, so I started making a list of things to bring.
I am SO pissed at the best place I found having her on the waiting
list for three YEARS.
They have a round floor plan so they can
go round in circles instead of just a hallway.

Anyways, we got a remote door alarm but not sure yet if the signal
reaches our apartment.
Also a door mural to take away the temptation of a door.
It is a large picture of a bookcase! Only one BIG problem-
Will she be able to answer the door when companion knocks?????
Where'd the door go? someone's knocking behind the bookcase!
Here is a tiny part of it unrolled.

The alzheimer association recommended getting a toy parrot that repeats
what you say. Bad idea for mom, she was frightened to death of it
because she doesnt understand  language too well anymore. She cried
out "Waaahh!! What's it saying???!!! "
ah well ...

Mother Left on her own

Well it happened.
We were grocery shopping and found out that my mother had tried to leave.

After I returned to her place and found her happily listening to a CD
she and I put away her groceries.
A while later a knock on my door brought the most frightening story
I could hardly believe.
My neighbor observed my mother get on the elevator and leave.
Thank goodness he has the smarts to think to himself
"this doesnt seem right, let me wait here and see what happens"
She could have been whisked away to god knows where on that elevator.
But she stayed on and omg it came back to her floor-
(she doesnt know how to operate it)
she recognized him as being on the floor she left and got off going to him.
He isnt hard to miss- he's a BIG muscular tattooed  bald guy .
He did not know she had alzheimer and couldnt figure out why such
a healthy looking woman didnt know where she lived.
She didnt know "daughter" and he took her to my door and knocked-nope.
She didnt know where she lived, but he knew it was down the hall.
He got the cleaning lady to go with him and they walked down the
hall with her till she recognized her door.

She needs to be in a home, safe.
Needs a companion .
sent away for a medical bracelet and remote door alarm..

Omg here she is, she just wandered to my door !!!!!!!!!!!
I sat her down on the couch and gave her my doll to brush its hair to relax her.
she was anxious and carried in an armload of clothing...

Broken Trust

Two days ago the companion was coming to walk mother in the afternoon.
I decided to take a drive during that time and walk around a store.
Needless to say soon after I was out I got lost and used my gps to get home,
so I decided to get on the computer and enjoy that.
When the time came for the companion to be walking by after her visit
I stood by my door to ask her how it went.
The phone rang , it was the company.
The companion had never come.
Oh. My. god.

OH MY GOD SHE'S BEEN ALONE THIS WHOLE TIME?????!!!!!
I exclaimed into the phone.
POW! There went my back...

I "rushed' over to find mother sitting forlorned at the table -
"hewo? " she said....
I practically crawled to get her rollator out and took her outside for some
fresh air.

The thing that makes me the angriest and I told them as such,
is that the light saying the woman had never checked in had been
flashing for almost two hours before they called her to find out
why she hadnt checked in- she had forgotten.

Yesterday I found myself wondering if the companion is doing
what I asked her to do -
I didnt find evidence of giving mom fruit and yogurt
and her house keys had been left out instead of hidden.

My Poor Attitude

Boy was I angry yesterday.
Trying to keep it inside all day was exhausting, and I do not even
know what specifically it was....
ok, Everything.

At one point i was so tired of mother repeatedly searching her wrists for
her watch I took mine off and put it on her.
I decided that entering her apartment is like going into a carnival
' fun house"...
The disorienting moving floors , twirling spinning walls,
mirrored mazes....
I go in, undo the madness by going through everything=
items wrapped in underwear, kleenex draping books, empty trashcan
(where's the trash?) what happened to all the klondikes? where is the
toothbrush? The puzzle we started gone, not in box. Dish liquid in freezer.
I prepare a meal and leave for an hour to catch my breath & sanity.

As I return later
walking down the hallway I start to breathe heavily, open the door,
and once again enter the 'fun house' and do it all over again.

I don't think that she is hallucinating- it is only when she looks out
the window. So maybe it's her cataracts or spots she sees.

Pre-arrangements Done !

Finally after all these years of having this last thing to do for mother
it is Done !
Five(?) years ago I got my father's done
at a really nice funeral home where they
were SO helpful. The woman told me all the things I had to get
done for my mother also, as far as her finances.
Yesterday I finally got her pre-arrangements done.
Once again they were very helpful !
They knew their stuff about legalities and what to expect
and prepare you with the paperwork needed for the future.

The only thing I am really concerned about now
is when she goes into a memory care place
how the whole financial thing will go down-
Scary stuff .