ALZ Resisting the Dentist

Taking my mother to the dentist yesterday was extremely stressful.
none of the strategies I use on myself for calm worked,
I just don't know how to deal with this type of deception.
She is so much more aware now that I have taken her off her meds.
When I pulled up to the dental office she read the sign.
She didnt want to get out of car, so I said I was just going in to ask a question.
She didnt want to go in the door.
She thought I was going to sit in the chair, but obeyed the assistant.
Waiting and waiting on the Dr. I would show her photos on my ipod
and made a grocery list asking what she wanted as she kept
asking questions I could not answer-
 because she would have gotten up to leave.
The procedure was relatively quick, replacing temp filling with permanent one.
Thank goodness he agreed to do this instead of crown.
She was ticked off going to the car and I took her for a very long grocery
trip, then dinner.
 Just to put some different things into her head.
She didn't bring it up any more, but will in future I'm sure.
Today I feel like I've been through the wringer.

Father in Hospital

Yesterday he was fever and shaking.
According to my sister's texts the doctor said his foley (balloon) catheter
had been installed incorrectly.

Truly I wish I had let him die naturally instead of the way things
have been for him all these years.

Uplifting Others Just Being

I walk my mother every day around the grounds where we live,

watch bocce and Wii bowling.

Everyone says "Hi ladies" and mother smiles and says hello.

Many people have stopped to say they really enjoy seeing me care

for my mother. 

For some reason it makes them feel good.

They talk about their mothers cooking and companionship, or how they

miss their mothers. 

I am thankful for this, it makes the crazy and boring easier to handle.

One day at a time. 

Mother's Eating What?

Just brought over some chicken legs I cooked for mother.
Also to check she is eating a good lunch.
She was eating leftover chicken dinner with pink stuff in it.
Strawberry yogurt.
I kept my mouth closed (yuck!)
I decided that it was healthy and probably tasty for a woman with an
 indomitable sweet tooth.
I recall my uncle having his corn flakes with a slice of toast ontop squished
down and pouring orange juice on it instead of milk, saying
" it all goes to the same place anyways"!

Father's Things

When my boyfriend and I took all my father's things out of the assisted living place, we gave my sister a container of extremely basic items to bring to the nursing home.

A table lamp, electric clippers, writing paper & pens, toiletries, photos,

special books etc.

Also a small metal bookcase.

This was last year.

I visited her today and there they were sitting on the dirt ground of a garage. 

Cardboard moldy, water damaged... 

Every day I feel like I abandoned him.

I know in my heart I couldnt care for both of them, and had a severe mental breakdown

trying to......

I cannot help but shake my head about this.....
....But I do not blame her in any way.
Her life is difficult to the extreme.

Do You Have Men Over There?

Mother asked on the phone.
What -- ?
My toilet is running , do you have any men over there?
Ohh, ok no problem I'll come over and fix it.

Holy crap I open the door and she is soaked from head to toe!
The bathroom is flooded,  toilet tank open-
I shut the water off.
She had noodled around in there and broke the tube.
Shot water Everywhere!
Omg I am still laughing about it.

"Do you have men over there?"

To Medicate or Not ?

I am in a true conundrum about mother being on Aracept.
She does Extremely well OFF it.
She remembers EVERYTHING !
On it = doesn't know what "doing laundry" means.
Off it = " Ok, I'll take my clothes off cause they're dirty.
On it = Cranky, agitated, obsessed with leaving, no sleep, crazy dreams
             where she calls me in the  middle of the night.
Off it = "Good Morning ! Looks like a nice day out."
On it = watching bocce - "where am I? "
Off it = watching bocce- "Ooo! just missed it! "
On it = "I don't like it here, Ohio, Ohio,Ohio....
Off it = "I am thankful I am so close to you here."

I am going to call her Dr. about it but from what I read they all have the
same side effects.
Truth be told, the only thing stopping me is that I will be looked at as negligent if
she has ALZ and I have taken her off meds !
Ok, and the fear that some other hidden symptom will rear it's ugly head and make her
unmanageable.