Abuse

The reason I am taking care of my parents
is because they were Both quite abusive to us all.
My 3 siblings however feel that my being the 'baby'
of the family somehow made me immune to it. What
they never realized is that I got the full extent of it
while they were away at school. They were never left alone
with this mentally ill woman because the three siblings
were always together. They being 9 years older than me
I was left alone with her a lot.
After my father left her in early 80's the burden in my
heart to care for her solidified. They say that people feel
a strange sense of duty towards their abuser-I believe this.
But having both parents be cruel and abusive to me
as a kid,
and now have them both be dependent on me,
just seems too much for my Psyche to handle.

Dying vs Living

Sometimes it's not that they will die that
frightens me.....
..........
..........

It's that they will live.

One Lost, One Lonely

My mother was calling me repeatedly to ask what time it was.
"what time is it?" me- five after seven
"ok, lets see, it says, hm, what time is it now?
me- seven after now
"what? " me- Well, it's eight after now
"What time is it Now? me- EIGHT after, it's eight after!!!
Then a minute later...
"I can't set the time on this thing on my table, it always says 12."
me- to myself 'oh god, she's looking at the kitchen timer'
************
My dad called me early sunday morning and woke me up...
Just to tell me he needs more tylenol. Wtf? I gave him 20 of them
a week ago- but my saying this was answered "What? I can't hear you"
and I was too tired to shout and he refuses to clean his ears.
That evening he said he is the loneliest he has ever been in his life.
I don't know what to say.
Perhaps if you didn't treat everyone like crap
and alienate everyone that wouldn't be the case?
He refuses to participate in the lame activities-I get it-
But why not go out for a walk?
Why not make a friend of one of the guys with a car?
Why look at everyone as 'beneath' you?
My advice to you readers- Do not cling to being alone
while you are young, because when you get older
 you will be completely alone- and not in a 'good'
way. Always be willing to reach out and make
new friends.

Day Care trial

Well, I brought mom to a wonderful place today called The Mary Wade Home.
Very well lit and lots of windows and activity going on. There are residents of all ages there that go downstairs to the daycare to do things. This is good because they are still 'with it'. They proposed I leave her for a couple hours and come back for a meeting to see how she likes it.
Well, they were doing chair exercises when I left and she wanted to leave.
It had only been 15 minutes and she was already complaining that she was just sitting.
Ugh.
...... Well, I picked her up and she couldn't WAIT to get the heck
out of there... moody and saying she wasn't going back.
How does one deal with this?

Thursday

Took mom for a bone scan.
In 2006 she had one that showed severe osteoperosis.
No treatment was done and I am sure it is because mom refused.
The appointment was in the afternoon and I tire out pretty quick then. I brought her to a bank she used to go to to prove to her that she had no money there, the accounts were closed- How foolish of me to think that this would work with a person with dementia. She left saying they had taken the money.
I took her to a farm market to please her.
In the car she just complained about where she lives & wants to move, wants to go see her other daughter..on & on till I was angry and stopped talking.
Burnt out is me.
That night I curled tightly in bed.
Friday I stayed home.

Wednesday

Took my dad to friendlies and walmart wednesday.
His teeth are almost all gone because he
has refused to care for them. All he ate was a cup of soup.
He was able to walk better than he was before being knocked down.
Without a walker! I attribute this to the PT guy.
Too bad he isn't coming anymore.
At the store the jacket I would have bought was too heavy for him to lift.
So he chose a chintzy 'puffy' jacket in camo-gotta love camo)
Oreos were of course in the basket also-cannot live without them! 
I was exhausted when I got home and rested an hour
before taking mom out for a walk.

Day Care ?

My mother needs to get into a center
where she can go for the day & DO stuff.
Like exercise,walk, converse with other people
and general socializing. I went to a place that
was highly recommended to me this morning.
It was small and all I saw were chairs and tables.
How boring and uncomfortable. They were coloring...
I was not impressed. She isn't as far gone as they were there.
I filled out the forms, but I can just hear her saying
that it is boring.
Perhaps companions & homemakers have something
like a walking companion.