I have been reading forums to find out how children deal with parents who were controlling and or bullies when they were kids and how they deal with them now that they are adults.
The consensus was that as children we were 'groomed' to be victims by parents, powerless in their own lives, found power in controlling and bullying their children.
One person's answer was that a bully has no power
if it has no victim.
My father has been bullying everyone where he lives, and laying down crazy strict rules, which if not followed by new staff they receive his loud wrath.
Rules for medications, mail, seating, Everything.
Oh, and god forbid you are overweight.
Then wonders why no one will take him to the shower!
Somehow,
I need to teach myself that I have the right to live my own life
and to live it without guilt... Not allow myself to be bullied or controlled anymore.
By my mother or father.
I just do not know how, and I am making things worse for myself by doing everything they demand.
3 comments:
LOL, I read this after the next post. My bad. Clearly you are on your way. The first step, I think, to daling with bullies is to say and stand by, NO. His own lack of "feeeling personal power" is showing. Some one took that self-esteem from him in his life. Pathetic. Hard pattern to break. Again, BRAVO.
Excellent insight but oh so difficult to overcome. Not impossible, just an uphill climb I think. My DH's dad was a terrible bully and it cost him a lot. Very sad, and thankfully DH recognizes some of the patterns in himself, learned form his dad.
My husbands parents have bullied and controlled him since he was very young. They use him as a play thing as they have nothing else to occupy their time. It's destroying our marriage, has lead me through periods of serious lack of self confidence and undermines me as a wife, home maker and mother ( & they're not even my parents). My husband self harms through drink, drugs, comfort eating and poor financial control. Now I am resisting his parents, the pressure from them on him is so strong he is being destroyed. He's been diagnosed with depression and has now been referred to a psycologist. If things do not change I fear he'll be dead by the end of the year and the marriage will almost certainly be over.
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