not here not gone

Every day people say to me
"How's mom? "
fine , I answer.
"Tell her I said Hi, give her a hug"
they reply knowing she has Alzheimer's.
day after day after day, month after month, a year .
It makes them feel good to know she is doing well.

for me though
Each time it is a pin prick
a drop of blood ...
She doesn't know who I am, really.
She doesn't get to do any of the things that made her happy.
she runs around looking for - me?
I feel like I lost one parent
and the other one is on life support or in a coma,
something weird like that... not here and not gone.

all I read say "they're in there" and "enjoy them while you can"
But all you really do is jump at every phone call
reporting every fall....
waiting.