My Father

Went to see my father for his birthday...
once again he didn't seem to care about the things
I brought , just wanted the chocolate and tried to deceive
me into bringing him downstairs to where the car was.
I cannot take him in the car, so it was outside to the patio.
The psychological impact of the visit was unknown to me
until the next day when I found myself with extreme fatigue.
It felt like gravity was stronger, pushing down on me..

This morning I awoke with the old feelings and memories of
his mental abuse...
He would point his finger in your face and force a
stare with his eyes boring into your soul
purposely hatefully sending thoughts of pure hate and evil.
He would derive great joy in making us weep by the
bombardment of our spirit and soul by this hate.
My sisters and I were effected for life by this,
none of us could stand blue eyes or anything pointing
at us (even inanimate objects) .
He even did this with grandchildren to make them cry.

How confusing to mix this memory with the man
who would carry me as a baby on his shoulders
and bounce me on his knee..........