ptsd or ?

That last episode really threw me and my poor brain for a loop. I still have a hard

time approaching the subject of my mother without my brain doing strange things.

Actually, I had been having terrible brain problems- so bad I felt as though I had 

had a stroke. I could barely stand being without balance, cannot think or recall,

 my vision was doubled, and it seemed as though I was having lightning flashes

strike my brain, shortness of breath. 

I couldnt speak as it was all breathy and i couldnt get the words out without

being exhausted after 4 words.My vocal cords were too open.

honestly at one point i felt like i was going to die

All this had been going on for a month? till it subsided slowly this week. 

But anything sets it off .

takes a breath... 

my brain is tired of me being brave , I am tired of being brave.

But it isnt over... 

i have the plastic bag of ashes box in my bedroom. 

supposedly the urn i ordered off Etsy is on its way.

thats all i can type now