Finally Saw Mom

 Unfortunately I was in for a surprise.

First I was told no food or drink allowed, so my cupcakes were a bust.

Then when they rolled her out I realized she wouldnt have 

enjoyed them anyways.

She was in one of those large tilting wheelchairs they put residents

in who can no longer walk or eat on their own.

She was mumbling and twitching.

I know very well the stages because I have witnessed them

but this was heartbreaking to see.

I played music - Beachboys and The Momas and the Papas

and I could tell she was truly struggling to focus and stay awake.

At one point she opened her eyes wide at me..

It isnt medication- 

It is the parts of the brain that keep us alert dying off.

I could tell she liked the shoulder massage and scalp scritches

I rubbed her arms and legs and played with her hair

held her hands, clipped her nails...

It was frustrating as all hell to be wearing a facemask and face shield

all i wanted to do was snuggle her face and give her kisses 

and I COULDN'T !

I am not alone in this, so I just have to accept it. 

just wish they had prepared me instead of just saying 

her "new normal" was "sleeping more"